CONNECT the DOTS
CONNECT the DOTS
What makes you feel significant?
What makes you feel like a big deal?
No judgment here. There is no wrong answer.
It’s important to get clear on what really matters to you.
Here’s a link to one of the many Human Needs Tests available: Click Here to Take the Test
Listen to the show
Well, you know what that means, it’s time to Expose The Money Lies. Let’s get started.
Hi, this is Jill, the Money Coach. And I hope you are having an amazing holiday season so far. I know this is such a busy time of year for everybody, so I just hope that you’re taking time to be present and really, really enjoy it. And to take in some of the things that you want to focus on for 2022.
Now today, I’m going to be talking about one of the human needs, which is significance. And this has come up with my clients several times in the last several weeks. So I just thought, hey, you know, if it’s coming up for them, it’s probably coming up for you. So I thought I’d talk about it here. Now, personally, my need for significance is pretty low on the human needs test. And there are lots of places that you can go and look to take the human needs test, and I can post a link for the one that I used in the show notes for you, in case you want to take that. But my need for significance is on the low side of the spectrum. So it is probably when I took the test, it was number five, so there are six human needs. And that was my dog Buster, and he has a very high need for certainty and safety. And so he barks at the UPS guy, because he thinks he’s unsafe.
But anyway, some of my clients, their need for significance is near the top of the list of the six human needs. And so often, they work against this need from a very judgmental place. And it really does not serve them it doesn’t move them forward. And so I love to help them understand how to make this work for them, their need for significance work well for them, instead of having it show up as a limitation for them. So, you know, I want you to just think about, you know, what makes you feel significant, what makes you feel like a big deal.
Now, other clients, I have really shy away from being significant or feeling like a big deal, because they may have a low need for significance. Or they may have some other beliefs operating in the background that make it feel dangerous to to be a big deal or to be out in front or be significant. So, but it doesn’t matter what any of my clients have, for the ones that have a high need for significance doesn’t matter what they have doesn’t matter their status doesn’t matter what they’ve done in their business, whether they’ve made multiple, six figures, like some of my clients, or whether they’ve only made 10k in their business so far, regardless of how much they have, or how much they’ve done, or how much success they have, it’s never enough. And they have some conflicting desires and beliefs. Mostly, it’s because there’s what they think they should or shouldn’t want. And there’s a conflict between that and what they actually want. They think they’re not supposed to want more, they think they shouldn’t want to have nice things. Maybe it’s too extravagant. Maybe it makes them shallow or self centered or selfish, right? They’re worried about what other people think about them. They shouldn’t want a nicer home or a nicer car or nicer sheets, you know, what will other people think if I, you know, spend the money on this stuff.
So I’m going to challenge you to make a list of what you actually want because that is where you’ll find a lot of clarity. And that is actually how you’ll feel significant. When you’re not owning what you want. When you’re believing it’s not okay to want what you want. You’ll feel insignificant, you’ll feel like there’s something missing because you’re actually making yourself insignificant. You’re sending the message to yourself that what you want is not okay that it’s not proper, that it’s not appropriate. It’s not significant or meaningful in comparison to what you should want or what people think you should want. or what other people think of what you should want. Now, I don’t cost that much on this podcast and in life in general, but I’m calling bullshit on that one. Who cares what other people think you should or shouldn’t want?
If you can’t feel significant to yourself, then how are you ever going to feel significant, you’re not going to feel truly significant, as long as you’re diminishing your wants your needs, as long as you’re making yourself second fiddle to what everybody else thinks or what everybody else wants, you’re going to keep chasing it from an external source, right, you’re going to keep trying to feel significant from external sources, and never really getting there at least, not having control over being there or being significant. Because when you place that responsibility, with external sources that you don’t control, ie other people, then it’s not lasting, right? It’s not long lasting, because you don’t control how other people think how other people feel. So wanting what you want, and acknowledging that. And validating that for yourself not only makes you significant in your own mind, but it also gives you some really powerful filters to run decisions through. And that’s why I think it’s so important to want what you want, and to acknowledge it and to make yourself significant by making it Okay, giving yourself permission to want what you want. Without these filters, what we end up doing is chasing how we want to feel. And I just want to ask you is that really how you want to make decisions is really how you want to make financial decisions, decisions in your business decisions for the life you’re creating, is that really how you want to make decisions on the ebb and flow of emotions that follow the ebb and flow of the things that other people control, like validation and approval of what you do and what you don’t do.
So I want you to make list of what you truly want. Now, it might have something on it like a bigger house, or a condo overlooking the beach, or it might have something that feels extravagant or luxurious. And if that’s something that’s important to you, then I want you to include that, if that’s not something you want, then don’t put it on there. Where it could be as something as simple as I want to be able to do a spa day, four times a year. If that’s something that you value, then put it on there, whatever it is that you truly want, be willing to put it on the list. That’s the first step. And you could put short term goals, you could put things that you just generally want to always have in your life, things that you value, things that you absolutely know, you don’t want your life to be like. So that could be something like, Well, I definitely don’t want to be at the beck and call of other people. Well, that might be something that you want. So freedom and flexibility is important to you. And not being on a schedule is important to you put it on the list, right? It might be retired age 40 might be take the whole family on an extravagant vacation, you know, might be fly my whole family to Maui for a family reunion. And maybe you have 50 people in your family. Whatever you value, most put it on the list might be driving my dream car, might be financial wealth more than $5 million, right to fund that retirement that you want to do. It could be a million dollars in revenue with less than 40% Expense Ratio, right? You want to keep most of the money that you actually make in your business. Whatever is important to you, whatever you value, whatever you dream of, you know, don’t judge that just put it on the list.
Now, whenever you make decisions, you’ll have some filters to run those decisions through because you can ask yourself, Does this help me get closer to my goal of a million dollars in revenue? If that’s one of the things on your list? Does this get me closer to a goal of financial wealth of five million or more if that’s on your list? And even better questions are how does this get me closer? How does this get me further away? Because that’s more that speaks more to the quality of the decision you’re making. Right? Because it might be a yes, this gets me closer to my goal, but maybe it doesn’t get me as close as another decision. So qualifying those questions even further, may give you some distinction between this one that this decision that gets me closer to my goal, and this other decision, that gets me a lot closer to my goal.
So you get to start making those decisions more and more powerfully and making those decisions more meaningful. So whether it’s a spending decision, and whether it’s spending time or spending money, you can ask these questions to help inform what you say yes to, and even more importantly, what you say no to. Because if, if that doesn’t get me closer to my goal in a way that is in alignment with what I value, and what I want to be doing with my time or with my money, then it could be something that I just need to say no to. And that opens up the other things that you will be able to say yes to. So it’s really important to not only consider if it gets you closer, but how much closer and in at what cost to you emotionally, mentally, physically.
So brainstorm all the things you can imagine to put on that list of what you really, really want. And then we can whittle it down to the things that will truly create the life and the lifestyle, and the business that you love, and that you’re super proud of. And that will definitely I guarantee you make you feel significant. When you start moving toward what you value. And what makes you feel significant, you will feel more significant. And not because it makes you significant to anyone else, right? That’s not coming from an external source. But because it makes you feel significant and important to yourself. So I want you to think about what makes you significant. What makes you significant is not necessarily things and not validation, or approval, or other external components. It’s actually valuing what you want. It’s valuing what you offer. It’s recognizing your contributions. It’s celebrating who you are. So and that’s going to vary by person is significance is very personal thing. And that’s why it’s important for you to do this work for yourself, and why significance will always, always, always start with you first. Because if you’re not significant to you, you’ll not feel significant to other people.
So I had this realization recently when I was out walking, and there’s a new road in our neighborhood that goes over a covered wooden bridge, and it’s really scenic out there. There’s really nothing on that road yet. they’re eventually going to build houses out there. But right now it’s pretty empty. There’s there’s just, there’s really nothing. And so I almost always see wildlife out there. And there’s tons of wildlife in our backyard to birds, deer, turkeys, squirrels, plants, trees, there’s a creek out there, the the covered bridge actually goes over a big creek. And then you know, the creek that flows behind our house also flows into that larger creek. So what I noticed is that none of it is perfect. It’s, it’s all pretty imperfect. When you think about it. And when you notice, there’s trees that don’t grow straight. There’s a creek that winds, and absolutely none of it looks perfect. And yet it’s all beautiful. All of it. Even even the dead trees, even the it’s just it makes for a beautiful scenic picture. As matter of fact, people go out on that road and they take pictures out there for Christmas cards and things especially this time of year. And it is it’s really, really pretty. So it’s interesting how nature doesn’t think it has to be perfect in order to be beautiful in order for it to work. It just is and when I say it just is I don’t mean it just is perfect. But it just is what it is. It just exists. Right? It’s not out there trying to be anything. The birds chirp because that’s what they do, squirrels gather nuts because that’s what they do. The grass grows every which way weeds off. All over the place they thrive boy do they thrive, especially in our yard. And they’re just weeds. Right? Nobody even wants weeds around. And yet they thrive anyway. So I started to notice, you know, I, I’m a little jealous of the weeds, because nobody really wants them there, and they just thrive anyway. So what if I didn’t care if anyone wanted me there? What if I could just thrive because that’s just what I do. You know, you think about Dirt. Dirt is no picnic, either, right? We get dirt on our clothes or whatever, we get upset. But dirt serves a purpose. It’s a medium for growth. And so I thought about this. And I was like, you know, that is pretty interesting, maybe we have a lesson to learn from nature. What if we could be completely imperfect, imperfect, and thrive anyway? What if it didn’t matter what anyone else wanted and we could just thrive anyway? What makes birds and squirrels significant or valuable? What makes weeds or dirt significant or valuable? What makes you significant and valuable? Maybe you just are. And maybe that’s enough. So think about that. And I’ll see you next week.