CONNECT the DOTS
CONNECT the DOTS
We all want to contribute.
We all want MORE — not only for ourselves, but for the people around us that we love.
But it’s certainly no fun to be constantly looking over your shoulder comparing yourself to other people and wondering if you’re doing enough.
Tune in this week and infuse more joy into all your contributions.
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What are all the ways you contribute?
Are you spending any time recognizing your contributions?
Are you recognizing on a daily basis how valuable you are?
I recently had someone ask me if I had a podcast that talked about how to feel like it was okay to spend the money their husband earned if, as a stay-at-home mom or a non-employed partner, they didn’t bring home money or a paycheck.
I haven’t ever done a podcast on this topic, but I’ve seen a lot of situations, or coached clients before where this was the case, where women feel like they have to pay their way when they’re in a relationship where their husband is the primary breadwinner and the wife is the primary caregiver.
The reason I think this comes up is because how we perceive our value. Value is assigned to the husband who’s the primary breadwinner because the value is easy to define. It’s the paycheck he’s bringing home. However, value is not as easy to define when you’re the caregiver, so it’s easy to dismiss the value you are contributing to the household, to the relationship, even just as a function of being human and being created by a loving God. There’s inherent worth just in that.
I certainly understand the situation where the wife wants her own money or doesn’t feel entitled to the money brought into the household. But it’s a partnership and everyone contributes something. Would she feel uncomfortable sleeping in the household bed? Driving the car?
Why is money any different?
There are lots of ways to contribute. But you don’t need to contribute in order to have a right to take up space or to be entitled to household resources, regardless of what it’s for. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t contribute. I believe most people truly want to contribute, but there’s a big difference between contributing because you love doing it and contributing in order to have a right to be there or have what you want and need.
The Lord loves a cheerful giver. And this is true in most environments. Who wants someone doing things in drudgery and discontent just because they’re obligated.
Think about charitable organizations — they don’t sell anything, but they do have to bring in donations in order to fund the great work they do in communities all over the world.
We don’t think that they shouldn’t access funding because they don’t bring in a paycheck or they don’t bring in revenue from selling products or services.
So why do women who very skillfully run households when they don’t bring a paycheck feel like they have to earn their way to some imagined allowance or right to spend money that is brought into the household.
I think about working in corporate.
There were sales related departments, operations departments, accounting and finance, human resources, support related departments.
All are important — not all bring in money, but all are important.
The same is true in a household.
Besides the idea that people in a relationship don’t have to earn their right to take up space, they are contributing in so many ways.
Don’t look for evidence. First just look for what you want to be true?
Do you want want to feel this way?
Do you want it to be true?
What makes it true?
Who are you when it feels true?
What makes it not true?
Who are you when it’s not true?
Which of those would you choose on purpose?
What makes one any more true than the other?
Every time it comes up, practice choosing on purpose, practice agency. Notice what comes up. What is making you feel excluded? What is making you feel like you don’t deserve it? Where else are you feeling this way?
Do you feel like you don’t have a leg to stand on in disagreements?
Then once you’ve done the work inside you, then if you want to or need to, look for evidence. I’m not a fan of looking for evidence before you decide on purpose what you actually want to get, because until you believe you should have it, it’s such a struggle to find the evidence or believe the evidence if you do find it.
Then if you don’t find the evidence, you use that as evidence you shouldn’t believe it.
If you decide first what you really want to believe and commit to believing it, you’re more likely to keep going UNTIL you find what you’re looking for.
Once you decide what you want and you’re ready to look for evidence, do it at least daily.
Consider your contributions
To the household, not as hired help, but as if you’re the CEO of the family business.
Running a family is like running a business.
What would happen if you were not there?
What wouldn’t happen?
Whose needs wouldn’t be met?
What would fall through the cracks?
Who wouldn’t be growing?
I know it’s tough sometimes to think about it in these terms, because it can feel like you’re monetizing your role as mom, but just think about if you did work outside the home if you did go out into the world and get a job, an education, pay your way, what would it take to run the household without you in that full time role?
Think about it as opportunity cost.
There are a variety of roles each of us can fill and all of those are valuable.
Where aren’t you, how aren’t you seeing your worth and value as a human on this planet?
As a child of God?
Ruth? Even she went out and gathered the wheat left in the fields and gave herself permission to accept the love that she truly deserved, even though she had plenty of evidence to contradict that, given her station at that time and place.
It’s okay to give yourself permission to want more than you need. Need is subjective anyway. How often has one of your kids seen something they really want and asked for it? They haven’t earned it. What do you think makes them think they can ask for it?
And they say , but mom I really need it.
Talk about how women have generally speaking such an easy time contributing but such a hard time recognizing their contributions
Recognize your contributions
Give yourself permission
Decide that you deserve it
Decide you don’t have to earn it in order to deserve it
This is exactly what I’m doing in Miracle Multiplier Alliance in 2022.
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You know that I just hosted my very first retreat.
I loved it so, so much.
It was very challenging journey But the event itself was absolutely amazing.
It was so thrilling to see all the breakthroughs.
I’m ready to match that energy in a year long group coaching program with the same vibe of ELEVATE Retreat.
The energy of the group was so contagious, so inspiring.
Everybody got something of great value, and everybody had their own personal breakthrough.
The support was so valuable, and not only the support that I offered them through my coaching and through the activities, and the ways that I wanted to elevate them and elevate their money mindset and elevate how they showed up for themselves, and for their business and for their clients. But the support that they gave each other was amazing. It was exactly as I hoped it would be.
And we got a lot of work done, But even though we got a lot of work done, it was so much more fun to do it as a group.
That’s exactly what I’m recreating for this Alliance.
It starts January one and it will run through December 31.
We’ll meet three times a month. we will also have quarterly planning sessions.
I’ll call in experts to lend help in areas where I’m not an expert.
And we’ll connect at an in person gathering in Nashville. I’m so excited about that.
Miracle Multiplier Alliance is limited to twelve people by application only to ensure that we have a diverse group ready to multiply the miracles in their business and who will complement each other’s strengths.
It’s going to be amazing and I can’t wait to get started, so go check it out at https://jillwrightcoaching.com/miracle-multiplier
Set up a time to chat with me, fill out the application and start preparing for a 2022 of exponential growth.
I’ll see you there!