CONNECT the DOTS
CONNECT the DOTS
Does your style reflect who you WANT to be? Or does it reflect who you’re COMFORTABLE being?
You might not realize how much scarcity really infiltrates everything you do in your life and in your business.
Even something as basic as your style.
How did you develop your style?
Join this fascinating conversation with Stylist Extraordinaire Miss J!
Judith Gaton is a stylist, Master Certified life coach, author and lawyer. Through her signature course Style Masterclass, she teaches her clients that thought work is the key to a lasting makeover.
Through confidence coaching and mindset work, she helps her clients to see that they can dress and love the body they are in right now. When Style & Confidence are dialed in, women can go do the work they were created to do in the world.
Her ultimate style philosophy: Confident Women Build Legacies.
Check out Judith at her website: https://www.judithgaton.com/ to learn how you can master your style!
Listen to the show
Well, you know what that means it’s time to expose the money lies. Let’s get started.
Hey, welcome to October Welcome to fall. It is such an amazing time of your year in Nashville. And I am super excited about this October because I am finally hosting my very first retreat. And it’s going to be amazing. We’ve actually already started some of the pre-retreat calls. We had a call last Friday with Judith Gaton on the fashion II study stylist extraordinary to life coaches and to entrepreneurs and to so many other amazing women. And so her heart is so aligned with my mission because what she does is equips and empowers other women just like I do in her own unique genius which is style. And so that just fascinates me because that is definitely not my zone of genius. I would not call that my zone of genius but for Judith it is and the reason I’m talking about this is because she is my very special guest today and Judah katan is a stylist. She’s a master certified life coach, author and lawyer. Through her signature core style masterclass. She teaches her clients that thought work is the key to in lasting makeover through confidence coaching and mindset work. She helps her clients to see that they can dress and love the body, body they are in right now. When styling confidence are dialed in, women can go do the work they were created to do in the world, which is exactly what I do with money mindset. So that’s why I wanted so badly to get into a conversation with Judith. Her ultimate style philosophy, confident women build legacies, which I absolutely love. Because on peep a women with unlimited mindsets, also build legacies. So this is just one more area of your life where you can dial in your unlimited mindset. And where you can dial in the abundance that you experience in your life.
Because I truly believe that freedom true freedom comes from an unlimited mindset. And so that’s the other thing that we’re going to be talking about all through October is how to level up your freedom. And so I’m going to start with this week talking about style. And then each week we’re going to talk about a different areas of your life, where you can experience more freedom. So this week, it’s going to be style. And so I am going to just give you a heads up of what to expect. In this episode. It is so much fun. We had so much fun talking about the different things in our business, and how much style and money mindset impact those things. And so here’s what I want you to be listening up for. As you listen to this conversation with Judith Get on. The first thing I want you to be listening to is the answer to the question. What is missing? For women, when it comes to style? With the answer is going to be in this conversation with Judith and it’s, it’s really good. And then what is what, what does our stylize which is is the equivalent of money lies, limiting beliefs that keep you from experiencing abundance in the area of style in the area of how you look and how you feel in the clothes you wear in the things that you wear. What is that costing us? And then the third thing I want you to be listening for is what are the stylise? What are the equivalent of money lies that women believe when it comes to style. So let’s dive in. And I’ll come right back after this conversation and check in with you about your takeaways here They’re so cute.
So Judith, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Can’t wait to talk about money live. I’m excited. Thank you for having me. This is gonna be, I feel like I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days. I’m like, I’m so excited. We’re gonna Oh, gosh, and it’s so much different now that we’ve spent some intimate time together. At the retreat that we both went to, it was amazing and so much fun. But I want to start off by letting you tell your version of who Judith Katana is, who are you really as a person like, because, you know, I did the formal introduction, but I really want to hear like your version of Judith. Yeah, he’s such a good question. It’s not one that I often get asked right? People usually give my like formal bio, we just sort of jump in. I really like this question because I think it’s good to hear not just from my voice, but also like there’s nuances, right? So you see someone you admire online, and then to really know them as totally different. So I’m Judas Gaton. My full name is actually Judith, Elaine Gaton Hoover, which is like, very formal and if you fall out on a piece of paper, you probably think I was like a 70 year old white lady. Surprise. I’m not. I am a chubby Puerto Rican woman with very curly hair. And I love your hair. Oh, thank you.
Thank you, you got to see it, like full out wiling out, right. So normally, it’s like, super tame, and I live in California. So we don’t have humidity. But you got to see like the full Florida wild child, I just few days during the retreat I just gave up, y’all. I was just like, you know what it is? So yeah, I mean, I’m sometimes really confident, and then sometimes not so much. And sometimes I’m super irreverent and hilarious. And other times I regret instantly the things that come out of my mouth. And sometimes I’m really generous and kind. But if I haven’t slept well, I’m really grumpy. And I have a mean streak. Like, I’m all those things, depending on the moment, right? That’s fabulous. Oh, I’d love that. Because I think one of the misconceptions that people have when they’re starting a business, especially starting their first business, which is a lot of my clients, is that they have to be like this certain persona, in order to be successful in business. And I love that you’re telling us who you really are. Because I feel like who you really are, makes you successful. Not all of that fakro Oh, I love that. And I think to just sort of the work you and I do and you’re you know, you have a lot of budding entrepreneurs and people will have fighting off the money lies in some, you know, history that they got from wherever. But I think too, like we fall in love with this idea of like the future version of ourselves.
So when my business is successful, when I have X amount in the bank, when I’ve paid off this amount of debt, then I will be this magical perfect person. And we like, we forget, like we’re still human. So even that future version of ourselves like still is gonna get grumpy and still gonna say things that they’re going to regret and still wake up like a wild child. And birds are not going to bring them close on the string. And you know, bluebirds are not going to help them get dressed in the morning. Like, that doesn’t happen, just because some of our goals are met. I think it’s the expectation that just sets us up for so much disappointment when we arrive at wherever it is we’re trying so hard to arrive at. Yeah, and so much judgment along the way, and so much, I mean, and so much of that. stuff gets us so stuck along that journey, that then we just pile on the evidence that, my gosh, see, it’s not gonna work, because this is who I am. Yeah. Yeah. And I think like, we just smell the money lie. I feel like it has to be perfect that we have to evolve to perfection. And that is not the journey. That is a complete lie. Yeah. So one of the and the reason I wanted to talk to you, um, well, besides the fact that I just adore you. So a little bit of fan girl here. Apologize. Ditto. Right back at you, lady. No worries.
So one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you is because people I think don’t see all of the places that money lies truly come up. And so your specialty is, you know, you’re the style guru, the style master style diva, I know what you must like to be called. Okay. And, you know, for for my clients, that is an area probably of scarcity. And so I feel like they do have a lot of money lies that they probably aren’t even thinking about the impact of when it comes to style, and so they’re just kind of winging it. And I know that you have a lot of experience dealing with this with entrepreneurs. So I just want to kind of give you the floor for a minute. And so you can kind of talk us through what that what the impact really is, you know, what is missing for people when it comes to style, and how does that impact them in their business? How does it impact how they show up even in their life? in their relationships? Like everywhere? That they are? How does how does that impact? Yeah, okay, so it’s so I think this is like, oh, man, so I’m like, you invited me to soapbox. I got all excited. I’m so really one of the first things I see. Right? And I think you probably see this too, is it’s like never about the money.
It’s never about the clothes. It’s all the janky ass mindset that you have, and you have it in this one area. So chances are 99% chance that it’s gonna show up elsewhere. So for me, I think the perfect conduit to figure out what’s going on with this human in front of me is like, what’s going on in your underwear drawer? What’s going on in your closet? Like, how are you dressing yourself or not getting dressed? How are you showering or choosing not to shower? Like what are your thoughts about purchasing new clothes like perfect opportunity to figure out like sort of what’s beneath the surface just like for you, right? Like, when you talk to them about money then you get all the story and its history from them about what’s going on with them. So I think we’re in a unique position that we get to talk about this one thing as a conduit to like this person’s heart and mind and what’s happening with them.
So for me what happens a lot and I had multiple consults yesterday so it was kind of like I wish I had all these women in the same room so they know they’re not crazy, like oftentimes, it’s sort of a different it’s a nuances but similar thing. So when I hear a lot is, you know, well it’s not that bad. So it’s not that bad. I don’t have to replace it yet. I’m gonna wait for it to get real, real bad. replace it. I’m gonna wait for my bra, you know the underwire to pop up and poke me in the face before I decide okay, probably it’s time for new bra. I’m gonna wait for this up into a client. I’m gonna wait for I’m an important meeting and I pull up my underwear and then I’m just gonna poke a giant hole right through them and they had to spend the rest of the meeting with my belly hanging out of my elastic and my undies because I wanted to wait till it got real real bad right? And like that line of thinking it’s such a lie like how bad Are we going to let it get before we decide to replace something repair something and we do this everywhere in our lives you do that? Yeah, like how bad Are we going to let the pipes in our house get or the roof get you know before we decide to do something how bad Are we going to let our debt or credit card debt before we decide to do something about it so it’s you know it’s that kind of sneaky lie that comes in it was close it’s kind of funny because they’re so easily replaced but extrapolate out to something bigger and this is a this is kind of a bigger problem and you’re thinking that’s really not going to serve you you know a lot of times I hear well I only wore it once. I didn’t wear it enough times. It’s like well it doesn’t fit Yeah, you didn’t actually like you don’t like it so they’re not allowed to replace an item and I’ll say wear it X number of times. Okay?
But like if we do that everywhere in our life I tried to sing it didn’t work out for me but because I didn’t try it enough I’m gonna work on it and expend all this energy when truly I just really don’t like it. Well, how about we just admit you don’t like it and you’re not required to do anything else? Yeah, like we could we could just decide Yeah, it’s almost like they don’t want to admit that they made a mistake because then they’re gonna judge themselves or beat themselves up and you know talk nasty to themselves like we all know that we do or have done at some point. And so they just keep it keep something that doesn’t work for them. I mean, too tight shoes is a perfect example of this, right? So I have clients always beautiful shoes and wear them once and they hurt. They like they’re horrible. And like well, you know, I should get a few more wears out of them. Why? Why? Like, no, like, you wouldn’t let your best friend come and like hammer at your feet. Like we wouldn’t do this. We treat our shoes like oh, you know this precious thing. I have to wear them more times. No, no You really don’t, not required but I think you’re onto something right? Like, then if I get rid of them too soon, I’m going to beat myself up for being wasteful. Now I’m going to beat myself up for, you know, being vain. I’m going to beat myself up for not being Oh, I hear I hear this all the time, not being a good steward of my money. Yeah, I’ve got a question twist on it, I’m gonna, I’m gonna I’m not a good steward. It’s like, well, I don’t know that stewardship requires you to wear clothes that don’t fit you all the time. Like, I don’t think proverbs work that into the definition, I think you’re okay. But that comes up, right?
These are the things that come up. And then we start to do this everywhere in our lives, we start to do this in our businesses in particular, we know something’s broken. We know, the software we’re using really doesn’t meet the needs of our business. We know that this app we’re using really falls short, because the free version has all these limitations. It’s like no, no, I’ll live by instead of getting the pro version of this app I’m going to buy for not buy, I’m going to get for other free apps to meet the needs that I just turned on the pro version would be just fine. I’m going to I’m going to sort of limp by because I’m not willing to make the investment because it’s not being a good quote unquote steward. So, you know, this sort of shows up everywhere, how we do things, how we do everything. Yeah. Yeah, it’s interesting. Just all of that comes out. Oh, it’s not that bad. Kind of, it’s like, you know, sweeping, five pounds of dirt under the rug over the course of it’s like, yeah, just a little bit of dirt is not that bad, but a year’s worth of that dirt. Pretty bad. It’s pretty bad. And we can we can pretend it’s not, you know, a now elephant sized dust ball, we could totally pretend I don’t know if it’s gonna work very long as we start to trip over and and run into it. But sure, we could pretend that let me know when you’re ready. Right? So what are so besides sort of the scarcity behind, I guess, the cost of clothing? Um, because it sounds like a lot of that is just, you know, okay. There’s the cost that you paid for it, which doesn’t change, however many times you use it. But there’s also the opportunity cost of keeping it.
What is that costing you to keep doing it the wrong way or the way that doesn’t work for you? It is it actually I mean, it’s actually costing you more than it would cost to invest in the right thing. Yeah. Yeah, I think and I love that you brought up opportunity cost, right? So let’s say we go buy a dozen pairs of shoes that don’t fit us on sale. We do not have that money to go buy one pair of good quality shoes, right like to just use a really simple example. But then there’s a more nuanced opportunity costs. If I were ill fitting garments, shoes that don’t fit on these I don’t fit things that are broken. And I have to, you know, I don’t want client rubberband to keep her jeans up. Which is fascinating. But okay, right? We do things like this. We’re so conscious of the discomfort all day. Yeah, and do it long enough it because some subconscious, but really, for most of us, we’re digging things out of our booties for my dude so you know, you have a hole in the crotch of those like basketball shorts you’ve been wearing everywhere. And you kind of like having to walk carefully and circumspectly and you know, your dad jeans aren’t serving you and you’re kind of low key embarrassed when you meet your younger clients. Like, all these little things become distractions, they add up over time. So what once was like just okay, this I’ll make you is now costing you in terms of opportunity costs energy, these are huge energies out, yeah, I’m distracted by opening clothes all day, I’m not concentrating on the people I have to serve. You know, the money I’m going to make, you know, really stepping into my future self. Like we’re not doing any of that when we’re constantly having to fuss with our clothing.
So there’s like energy opportunity cost that we don’t always factor in to that equation. I think it’s important to kind of touch on. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because, and there’s so many different versions of that energy opportunity cost that we have in our business, that if you I mean, this seems like one simple area that you could just easily so easily eliminate it and leave that opportunity to use that energy in a more in a place in your business that serves you. Way, way better than, you know. Something as simple as just do what you need to do. get the help that you need to help get with, you know, money or with styling or with anything that is, is draining your energy in your business, so that you can put all of that toward building your business. Yeah, and I love it you touched on getting help when you need it is I remember early days for me and I don’t know if you felt the same way early on, but it was like, I’m gonna take every free workshop I can to get like this tiny bit of information because you know, they don’t give everything away on these, you know, workshops or webinars, right?
We take this tiny piece of information, I’m gonna listen to 10 podcast episodes, I’m gonna cobble together enough to get to this next step in my business. So it’s like the time opportunity cost something you know, is kind of extravagant. And when you’re an early entrepreneur, you have more time than when you have a lot of clients you’re serving, but oh my gosh, can we just like sometimes, like, find the person who can help us do the thing? Like I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spent changing like slight code changes, building a WordPress website? Did I need you to hearing that probably not like, or messing with a Canva template, I’m going to move this box here, no, there, no, here, no, there over and over. Like, these are time sucks that like, okay, at the end of the day, I you know, eventually got smart and like, I’m gonna go buy some templates, then I’m gonna go hire a human to do this. And you may not be there yet in your business. But there’s certainly some things that if you were really honest with yourself, you could probably find the help and save yourself the time opportunity costs, that you’re just draining away. And then you know, saving yourself the frustration, etc, etc. Like, there are humans who can help you and yeah, you might have to pay them something.
But believing that some things are worthwhile is going to serve you in the long run then cobbling together 5 million free resources. So guilty of that, by the way. Yeah, yeah. Did Oh, yeah, buddy. Amy Porterfield. webinars Did you watch. Love Amy, by the way, but still, yeah, just kind of funny. We’ve all done it. We’ve all done it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And, yeah, it’s so interesting, because I just read something recently that there was a story about this guy. He was building a business. And he spent all of this time learning how to code and he spent, you know, he was already spending a ton of time in his business, but he would do this at night. And so he’s getting very little sleep. And the impact to him and to his business was horrific. And he just, and then he finally gave up and said, Okay, I’m just gonna hire somebody to build my website, was like, it was, um, he was in the UK. So it was like, it was like 1200 pounds. And he was like, Oh, my gosh, look at all of that time that I waste. And just the cost to me, personally, of doing it this way. And so from then on, he kind of had learned his lesson. And so his first question from then on was not, how do I do this? But who needs to do this? And I think it was, I think it was Dan Solomon that I was reading this. I was reading one of his books. Such a good question. Yeah. Who needs to do this? So and that creates a whole lot of freedom in our business, that creates a whole lot more capability in our business that creates time in our business, when we’re willing to ask those questions. And when we’re willing to invest in the resources that can get us there faster, you know, and we’re not going to be able to get everything that we either don’t want to do or aren’t capable of doing when we’re first building our business. But we can be a lot more intentional about constraining and figuring those things out.
So when I think about when I think about what creates freedom with money in our business, it’s exactly the opposite of what people think what creates freedom is actually constraint. So in terms of money, that’s budgeting that’s being intentional with our money, and it’s not just going and spending on whatever we want, because constraint actually creates margin and margin creates freedom.
How does that work with in terms of style? I love that question. So part of what I work on with my clients is I kind of call it a mini mighty wardrobe. So we don’t need a lot, which I think is kind of really fun to think about. Now. This is different than likely your money lie style money. Right, right? We need all the things and it’s so expensive because we need all the things. Yeah, like I have a podcast of a story talking about like, if you walked into a department store, and they had laid out on a table 1000 items for you to select from. Not only would you have like horrible decision fatigue, you probably have like almost paralysis like that would be crazy overwhelming. But a lot of us have closets that look like that you walk into your closet and you have a time traveling closet. We have stuff from different decades, different sizes like closet, I love that. And then we also have closets have little shame pile sort of hidden in the corners, right? Like we have the size that’s like definitely two sizes too small that outfit that we bought when we were bla bla bla size or before we had the baby or like Whatever the case, right? And part of again, we’re having to make decisions like okay, no, that doesn’t fit that doesn’t fit that doesn’t fit.
So by the time we ever leave our closet, like we’re filled with remorse, and shame, and dread and regret, like okay, that’s how we’re starting our day. This is gonna be awesome. If we don’t have anything to wear. That’s the amazing part. I had a client once. God bless her she had for honestly, for closets full she was in her word, she was empty nesting. And so she had sort of her closet in her room, and then her kids closet, and then the hallway closets like every closet was full of stuff. And I’m just like, okay, like I have nothing to wear. And I’m like this, this is right here this perfect example of like, yeah, you have to constrain down. Now here’s what I want to say, though, for all of you who are like, but I have this collection of quotes that I love or these hats or I love shoes. I’m not saying you have to adopt a capsule wardrobe lifestyle. I’m actually not suggesting that. But I do want you to think I had a mini mighty wardrobe that really worked for me. Then what items do I want to continue to buy in abundance, I have a crazy hat vintage collection of 16 vintage hats and counting, I’ve actually lost track because I went on a buying spree this summer. And I have a whole closet of purses like I have just the whole built in in my house that’s just full of purses. I’m never gonna stop that. I love those things, right? I know that about me. But I also know that I probably rock the same two pairs of jeans for like, a year before they give up the ghost. I’m not going to go buy 20 pairs of jeans from my mini mighty wardrobe. I can constrain there, I need two really great pairs of jeans. I need a really great coat. For the winter. I live in California. Now it does sort of snow where I live. But let me qualify that it’s still like 30 degrees out. So for y’all who have real winter, you’re like, that’s shorts and T shirts weather, right? So like, I don’t need an abundance of those things, it’d be almost kind of a little ridiculous, especially for somebody who runs hot. So I will constrain they’re like so each of you are gonna have to decide for yourselves like, when I consider my mini mighty wardrobe, what am I willing for it to sort of be on the mighty end? And what am I willing to have the on the mini end, I’m gonna choose my constraint purposefully. And there’s gonna have so much more fun going into your closet, because there’s not 500 million piles of shame awaiting you there when you wake up in the morning. So yeah, constraint is a huge part of what we work on together. You know, in my program, tell me a little bit about your program. So we were, like the three steps that you need for makeover. So we figure out what’s not working? What do you want, and then I show you how to get it. So that’s really any transformation process, like what’s not working with your money? What would you like, let’s go figure out let’s create a plan for you to go get it. So really any transformation process is really going to follow those three steps. But specifically with regard to styles, you know, we look at what clothes are not working for you What doesn’t fit your body, we look at your foundation garments. We shop for undies fairly quickly within the program, because we want to get you set up for success.
We clean out your closet. And then once really the Edit phase is over what’s not working, then we can start to change gears like Well, what do you want. So we craft a personal style statement, we’re really deliberate about that. It’s unique to each person. And then we shop your closet what’s left, what remains based on your personal style statement. And then I shop for you I do a shop for each of my clients so they have recommendations. And then I teach you how to incorporate that with what’s left. So we’re not buying a ton of stuff. We’re just being really intentional. And then I teach you to put a lot of outfits together. So you really get the mini mighty wardrobe. By the time we’re done, you should be able to open your closet and put an outfit on yourself and then repeat the process whenever you want. Cool. That sounds amazing. So you’re doing sort of a very mini miniature version of that for the retreat that’s coming up elevate retreat, and that actually already started by the time that this podcast will end But it’s just like not too late to get to get in on that what what can they expect from from that? Like what what will that help you? Yeah so the mini version we’re doing which is really exciting I’m so excited to talk to your peeps in two days, two days from now although leastly when this airs this will have already taken place but what we talked about his vision because you know, this is such an important component i think a lot of the question I get most of the time these days particularly is like I don’t even know where to start with my style. Like I don’t know what it is and I have had it I may have never had it I don’t even know where to begin with this.
So we’re here we definitely talk a vision first. So we have a really clear sense of like what it is you do you want and then you know shopping your closet, I think I’m starting to send them off to have some homework on their own like shopping your closet based on sort of the vision we create together, I will pull a recommendation board for each person so that they have guidance on what to happen snacks and the recommendation board is kind of cool because I’ll create an outfit I’ll give options but also include what’s called an outfit formula. So I break it down to like really simple stuff so if it’s like a jean a blazer or a booty and a great t shirt and like layered necklace, like you know like okay, I’ve really enjoyed this outfit now I can recreate this formula Do I have other layered necklaces Do I have another t shirt I love to have another blazer I can rock I can keep my trousers the same Do I need some booty so we’re just filling in the outfit formula from your closet or shopping if you need to. And then we’ll we’ll come together the second round which is really exciting, but then they’ll have their outfit board will have to have a clear sense of their vision have had a chance to shop their closet, then we can talk about whatever comes up for them right so you do this practical work and then it comes all the confidence conundrum. Can I pull this off? Is this age appropriate? Is it okay for me to x, y or z which I think you probably get to right like we work on budget we work on practical money stuff and then here comes the thought so you know that’s a perfect opportunity like well what came up for you so that we can coach on it so you can have inside out breakthrough?
So that’s sort of the mini version that your clients are going to undergo and I’m just so excited for them and I’m excited to meet them it’s gonna be really yeah, I am super excited about that. So um, so what are some of cuz I talked about on this podcast all the time, money lies, and money lies are just those limiting beliefs that keep us from experiencing the abundance that we truly want the freedom, the capability that that we know, or that we at least like to think or believe is available to us. So what are some of the most common themes or equivalents of money lies closet lies maybe is what we would would call them for your clients. Yeah, so I have to lose weight before I can buy new clothes. Yeah, that’s like I have to make money before I can hire a money coach. It’s like how about we reverse engineer that like would you get you some clothes and then you can decide if you want to lose weight or not right? Or we get your money coach then you can decide what you’re gonna do with your money like, right? borrow some belief from us that this could be different this time around, right? Especially for people who tried budgeting on their own or who tried, you know, multiple diets, multiple pairs of Spanx and Stitch Fix boxes and all the things and they’ve had terrible experiences like maybe it’ll be different if you do something different. And I say that with all the love in the world y’all because I’ve hesitated hiring coaches sometimes and then just found it so funny when I get that washer relief.
But I’m like okay, I’m just gonna go all in I’m gonna borrow the belief that my coach has and then the transformation starts to happen I’m like, Oh, yeah, maybe next time I will. I will, you know ruminate so much on this I just make the decision so if any of you are on the fence particularly about you know, hiring gel Don’t be she’s got enough belief for the both of you. And you don’t have to make more money to hire money coach just like you don’t have to be stylish already or lose weight. to hire a style coach. I think it’s just such a common one. It’s a sad one. Because I see people put off their own progress and their own transformation and struggle and flounder and then, you know, I have one client, she’s three rounds of like, free challenges and free things that I’ve done. And I’m like, Well, what made you decide this time and she’s like, I just couldn’t stand to hear myself like think about it anymore. And I was just like, yep. So that’s a con like I have to lose weight. I have to hit no my personal style to hire style coach. It’s like no, Come as you are that I have to have a perfectly clean closet before I begin the process which again like no, I do that with you like we have to be clean before the cleaning lady comes right? Yeah. Like I have to get my budget in an order before I hire a money coach. Same. Yeah, same thing, because I don’t want to be embarrassed. Yeah. about all the things I haven’t done. Yeah, yeah.
I have a few clients will run out and buy a pack of Hanes before we start working together. Because they’re like, well, I knew you’re gonna clean out my NDA, Joran, I didn’t want to be embarrassed. But I’m like, I’m not here to judge what you’ve got going on in there. Like I’m here to love on you so that we can go through this process together. But then like the midnight run to target and they’re like, I bought some Hanes and a target project that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to go to see the other one. I’m like, well, you never have to show me another one if you didn’t want to. So like funny things like that. But we don’t, you don’t have to come perfect in this process. Like, absolutely. And I think that’s the biggest lie of all is like, I have to be perfect or have figured, X, Y, or Z out before I can begin the transformation. It’s like, well, that’s what we’re gonna figure out during the transformation. So yeah, you could start where you’re at. That’s a common one, like, perfection, I think sort of where we started this conversation that somehow perfection is required before you begin. But if you stay in that mindset, your to do list never rotates. Right? You keep that one thing that has you stuck at the top and everything’s in a holding pattern.
So you’re holding your future hostage your body hostage, if it’s a money, I mean, if it’s a, you know, style conundrum, and it doesn’t have to be that case. So try to think of some other ones I haven’t wanted enough yet is definitely a money lie here. All Yeah. What were other people think in Ligue one? Tell me about that one. You know, it’s so interesting to me, we have women, you know, all age ranges, I have people in their 20s into their 70s. And it doesn’t matter what age range you think, sort of that that time you’re in your 60s or 70s, you wouldn’t care anymore, but it’s certainly not the case. And again, you’re constantly this fear, like what are other people going to say, when I start to uplevel? When I start to wear the lipstick, like it, like almost like they’re not allowed? And I think that’s the lie is really like I’m not allowed to do X, because people will say something. And, you know, I think it’s sort of disheartening to me to hear women who are in their 60s and 70s are still worried that red lipstick makes them a whole a whole really great conversation about this during my last challenge, like, what are all the things that you were told when you were little that you know, is what we call like, a bullshit fashion role? Pardon my language? In my world, we curse. You know, like, a lot of the bullshit fashion roles were things like that, right? Which I think is akin to your money lies like, I can’t wear red lipstick, because that makes me a hoe. I can’t wear blue eyeshadow, because that makes me a whole. I can’t wear ripped jeans because I’m too old. I’m not allowed to dye my hair purple. Had a beautiful client who agonized over this for months. You know, I can’t dye my hair purple because I’m not allowed. I’m only allowed to wear my work clothes at work. And my schlubby clothes around the house because they have this rule about work clothes versus play clothes or church clothes versus like clothes. Like when you’re little right. Oh my god that just went on. I had one client who was told that she wasn’t allowed to take as big as steps as she was take. Because her stride was too large. Which I have questions. I don’t know. How does one strike too large like so. I mean, women come with all of these rules. Like you can’t wear white after Labor Day. Black and Brown don’t go together. Black and navy blue don’t get together. You have to match your purse with your shoes with your eyeshadow. Oh my god, on and on. Right?
Well check some other human made this out. We don’t have to do any of this stuff. So, um, I mean, the money like we talked about those kinds of lies. It’s a library. It’s a library of stuff. Wow, I had no idea. Yeah, mine are so much more basic. It’s like yeah, if I make a lot of money, I’m gonna turn into a mean person or I’m going to become evil or whatever. Yeah. Or if I buy expensive clothes, I have to dress really crazy. I’ve heard that one. Like suddenly you’re required to dress like Lady Gaga cuz he spent a lot of money on your shoes, like I don’t know. But the thoughts that people think right like yeah, I’m not making fun of it, because somebody will probably gonna resonate with some of this stuff. I have curly hair. My outfit has to be tame because my hair’s already crazy. That’s when I’ve heard different versions of Wow, on and on and on. It’s so interesting. So how do you overcome these passion lies, those style lies. For your clients. One thing is we kind of need to identify where that came from. So a lot of times, it’s good to just ask a really simple question. This is for all of you. So take notes, you’re in the car real listen to this later. Like, who says, it’s really important to whose voice? are we hearing? You know, is it Oh, my mom always had that, like, okay, and we can respect our mamas. We don’t always have to agree with them. We can listen respectfully, we don’t have to agree with them. You know, my auntie once told me when I was 13, that X, Y or Z about my boobs, right? Like, I’m just using that as that’s not a real example. But this comes up these kinds of things. And it’s like, well, who said, so it’s really great to identify where did I get this from? And then the second step of the process was to kind of identify like, where this came from, if you can even identify it, is to ask the next set of questions. Is it helpful? Is it useful?
Do I want to continue to think? Yeah, and oftentimes, it’s never helpful, love never useful? And no, you don’t want to continue to think those things. Because for most of my clients, those thoughts feel like crap when I try them on. Yeah. Because I would imagine, I mean, at least coming from my point of view, because I, you know, didn’t grow up with any kind of background that would make me good at fashion was just the simplest way that I can put it. And so I can’t imagine having the thoughts and I probably have had the thoughts of, well, I’m not good at this. I don’t know the rules. And seeing that as the truth. Yeah. So many of my clients come to me that same thought, especially powerful women who have careers, who’ve gotten degrees who are entrepreneurial. To them, it’s almost like style is so silly, or they were never taught sort of the quote unquote, rules in their formative years, because they were the smart one. So it was sort of unimportant for them to learn any of the style nuances because they’re smart. He’s just worried about being smart, sweetheart, you know, to be pretty, you could just be smart. Yeah, I always felt like the girl next door. So like, nobody’s gonna see me anyway. I’m like, invisible. I mean, I practice being invisible my whole life. So it really wasn’t, wasn’t that important? Yeah, like this is this almost silly becomes like this silly thing. Or it becomes a badge of honor that you don’t care about style. It’s indulgent, right? It’s indulgent. So it’s like, I don’t care about this ever more important things to worry about. And hey, so do we all we really want to couch it in those terms.
But that even makes it more of more important, at least for the time that you spend on it. Because if you really are have this mindset that like I’m more important things to worry about, I’m more important things to do, that it’s super important that when you put your clothes on, you can set them on and you can forget about the rest of the day. Now, if you have ill fitting clothes, or you have clothes that are not in the best shape, or they’re not the best shape for you, or how you want to show up in the world when they become a distraction, and you’ve actually done the opposite of what you intended. So, so many of my clients come to me that same thing. It’s like I don’t even I never learned any of this stuff. And I want you to have compassion on yourself if that’s where you’re coming from, because really, no one sat us down and told us here’s how you fit abroad. Here’s how to change your penny shape over time depending on what your body’s doing. And also if you’re on your you know, during your time of the month, or you’re moving apostle or postmenopausal here are some things you might want to expect with your belly, because it’s gonna blow out really strange in a way that no one ever shared.
Like no one talks about these things with each other. So I think a lot of women when they finally make their way to me, they’re like, but no one ever told me that and I don’t want you to shame yourself for that. Of course, no one ever told you that these aren’t our discussions. We take a look really have amongst ourselves just like a lot of money discussions are taboo. That’s something we share. But now you’re in this world. So the beautiful thing is you get to learn as all from scratch that any sort of the bad habits that some of the other gals may be bringing to this work. So cut yourself some slack, give yourself some grace, wherever you’re starting. It’s absolutely perfect. And again, you don’t have to have this pre knowledge to begin this work. Just allow yourself to be a beginner and to learn a fresh, totally fine, so beautiful. Start wherever you are. So I’m not sure if this is an appropriate question. But bring it okay. So um, maybe this is a money life for me or maybe this is a fashion life for me. So I’ve had the thought before. Like, it doesn’t feel distracting to me, it doesn’t feel like it impacts my confidence. So why would I do anything about it? Yeah. So let me ask you this when you imagine your future self, having achieved, what’s your next big goal, let’s say for yourself, let’s say half a million, okay, half a million. Would love to push you as a fellow? engine? Okay, half a million. So half a million? you imagine? You could say a million? A million? Let’s do it. I have no goal drama. Perfect is a million, you made a million. Let’s say you’re attending an extra tree, and you’re declaring to the rest of your retreat members who love and adore you that you’ve made a million dollars. What are you wearing? I want to say it depends.
On what do you tell? I want to say it depends on sort of the expectation. You know, like the vibe of the the event. So if it’s casual, I’m going to come casual. But maybe that maybe that’s my money. Great awareness. Right? Yeah, we’re going to depend on these other people to dictate to me how I’m going to show up. Yeah. Which is for all of us to a certain degree, we all share this. This is a very human thing. But it’s just kind of great awareness. That’s what the clothes like sort of work on style would do for you. Right would just reveal that thought. It’s a great thought Finder. Oh, where else am I waiting for people to give me the go ahead in order to take action? Yeah. Where else? am I waiting for people to tell me how to show up so that I can show up that way? Yeah. Like that’s, that’s why we do the work. We’re closed because it gives us such an easy access to what’s going on for you. Yeah. And I like to think of styles like your thoughts and feelings outwardly reflected. Okay.
So if we’re used to trying to be invisible, and how are we showing up? Right? What are we wearing that we think is visibility cloak? Right. Not Harry Potter. That’s a good one. invisibility cloak, right? Like, what am I wearing? I’m I’m trying to shrink into the background, because that’s great information about what’s going on in my heart in my mind. Yeah. That’s awesome. Yeah. Loving the guinea pig for your feed. Yeah, yeah, I see where my work is. Okay, so um, just to kind of start to wrap this up the two questions that I asked everybody, what are some money or fashion lines? What are some lies that you’ve uncovered? That you have, that for me, the big one used to be and I don’t believe it’s anymore. But a long time ago, I really did. Especially when I gained weight after law school. My thought was that there are no good clothes and my thoughts. were no good. Plus Size clothes that in order to look the way I wanted to look, I definitely had to lose weight. So they’re no good clothes in my size. Yeah. Yeah, that’s definitely a lie. Because I saw that one outfit you had at the retreat. And it was fabulous. I was like, Oh my gosh, I love that. The little plaid. Short things. Yeah. My little short suit with the Bolero silk. Yeah. It was super adorable, right? Like, yeah, that anymore. If so much evidence is that’s not true.
But it took a really long time to even get out of my own way in terms of thinking, so I could go find the resources and my size. I was so blocked and finding resources, because I had the belief that there were just just definitely nothing out there. That’s what the evidence you were finding was, yep. It’s totally true. Yeah. So what’s your favorite thing to think about money? Whether it’s having money or making money? Oh, I love this question. So this is something I’ve actually been working on for the last few months is just my money, beliefs, money, thoughts. And I was reading a book and what came to me sort of just reading the book was like, What if God’s storehouse is really our infinite? Like, what if they really are infinite? I could literally ask my father in heaven, that’s my belief system. Anything anything like anything like to this stretch of my belief, I could totally just ask. Now he could say not right now. 100% totally okay with that, but it’s not because there isn’t enough there’s plenty and I’m never taking away from someone else when I get a piece of whatever’s in his storehouse and I kind of like to think of is like this weird you know the sort of well that you take out a cup and then two cups come back oh yeah no God will take out a cup and then the water fills back up like three more cups so I never have to worry about that part of it. Yeah, he’s got that part I just need to ask and stay in a place of like being ready to receive leaving space for some miracles like that’s the work I have to do.
And I have to do is ask him because this storehouse as well as completely infinite. And that has broken open up so much for me such a relief to even think that way. Yeah. Yeah. Or even what could he multiply? Because, you know, we there were only five loaves and two fish. Right? And yet, they’re just like you said, they kept filling up the cup. And there were 12 baskets left over after they fed multiple 1000s of people. Yeah, and what’s interesting is like of course, you know, the biblical account there’s only they only count the men. Yeah, right. So it’s like we know there were 3000 men on one occasion and 4000 men on one occasion This is not included children and the women, which is so incredible to think about like infinite infinite completely infinite like, I think Simone over Yeah, flooring over. That’s what that means. I think Simone soul like put the shorthand version of this and one of her posts on Instagram fellow coach, just for frame of reference for everyone. And one of the things she said was like, God, math, we just didn’t consider God math. And I was just like, Oh, that’s so good. And God. Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, let’s go do some God math. Let’s go. Yeah, let’s do some definitely. I’m gonna definitely do some God math at the retreat. So that’s exciting. Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect Note to leave God, man. So good. Yeah. Yeah, let’s all go do God math. Please. Thank you so much. This has been so much fun. And I really appreciate just, I just really appreciate how you show up period.
But I mean, I just love you. Right back at you Love you too. And I’m so glad we got to spend time in person together because I think that has made this conversation like so much more powerful like, because we were able to dive in right away. So yeah, so much love right back. atcha. My friend, definitely. Yeah, such an amazing conversation with Judith, I love talking to her. I could talk to her all day long. But so a couple of takeaways that i thought that i certainly noticed. And I’ll just recap them for you really quickly. We have to evolve to perfection before we can be successful, that is a lie for sure. So I want you to notice going forward where your money lies come up in your business. And notice how that robs you of the freedom and the success that you deserve. I love how closely the the money lies tied to the style lies and and how do the talked about it’s never about the money and it’s never about the clothes. One of my favorite quotes of hers is what’s going on in your underwear drawer. That’s one thing we that tells us a lot, right? What’s going on in your relationship with money. What happens when you pay the bills, what happens when you design your offer, what happens when you decide what you’re going to charge for your coaching all of these are really good indicators of your relationship with money of your thoughts about money and your likelihood of creating a successful business where you make a lot of money.
So another one of my favorite quotes was, Judith said I wish I had all these women in the room so they would know they’re not crazy. I feel exactly the same way about my clients and their money mindsets. And that’s why I created a group especially for my one on one client. So every month, all of my one on one clients get the opportunity to come to a group call. And I set this up just as a bonus It was a surprise bonus I something I advertise a lot. But I wanted them to know that they’re not the only ones that are having these thoughts and they all think that they’re this hot mess. And I know because I thought the same way before I started getting involved in groups. So if you’re not involved in groups already, I encourage you to to get involved as is One way to see that you’re not alone. And it is one way to really be part of a community, whatever community that is, I love my community, because they’re all dealing with limited money mindset. And so we get to talk about some of the same challenges. But any community that has people that are talking about what you want to talk about, get involved.
Another one, that was one of my favorites is all the style lie, I’ll just wait until it gets really bad. Now, how bad Are we going to let it get before we do something about it is what you wanted to know, think about everywhere in your life where this is operating for you? How bad Are you going to let it get before you do something about it? Do you have a relationship you’re neglecting? or avoiding? Because, oh, it’s not that bad? Do you have something in your financial situation that you’re not doing anything about? Because, oh, it’s not that bad. It’s easier just to pretend it’s not there? Do you have something in your closet? You’re not doing anything about? Because it’s not that bad? Do you have something in your health or in your fitness that you’re not addressing? Because it’s not that bad? I mean, I have been such, so susceptible to a lot of these myself. And I just continue to work on those things. Even when I think well, I could wait. So I just keep pushing myself to work on them. And not from a place of pressure or urgency. But from a place of I know that I can have a more rich and more abundant life, if I do something about these things. And so that’s what drives me. But I’ve loved this idea of doing something before it gets so bad that you can’t stand it, because it opens up such a door to creating more by not waiting until we can’t move forward. Because it’s gotten so bad. How can you be more proactive and more deliberate about investing and prioritizing the things that will accelerate your growth and your success in your business, and the impact that you’re having on the women that you want to impact instead of waiting until it gets bad. Because when we’re willing to invest in the resources we need for our particular situation, we can get there faster, and it will feel a whole lot better in the process.
There should be joy in the journey. And if you don’t have joy in your journey, then I want you to go find the resources that will help you get that whether it’s me whether it’s Judith, whether it’s another coach that specializes in something you’re struggling with, just get the help get the resources, find the resources, there’s lots of resources out there. And I love the part of the conversation about constraints. Because I talked about this with my clients. You know, Judith and I talked about the freedom that comes from budgeting out your money like you constrain with courses and with the free stuff. In the beginning of my business. I was buying, you know, I was signing up for all the free stuff. I was buying different courses and things like that. And at some point I had to constrain because I wasn’t getting through the mall. And I wasn’t benefiting in the way that I wanted to. And so I had to constrain and so whether you’re talking about style, or money constraint does not construct us as we think it does. It’s actually the opposite. It actually gives us more freedom. Now, this part wasn’t very comfortable for me, but I still love it. You know, I love how she called me out on my style lie and my invisibility cloak that was priceless. But my absolute favorite part was Judith’s idea of God’s infinite storehouse, and how she shared Simone souls, term God math. I love that I am going to use that for sure that was my biggest takeaway. Keep asking for what I want from God’s infinite store house and keep doing God’s math.
So how many of these lies how many of these money lies? How many of these passion lies? Have you believed? I certainly saw plenty of the ones I’ve believed and I noticed how much work I can do on my own fashion and style mindset. I actually didn’t know I had a limited style mindset. So I learned something by doing this podcast but all in all, I loved the conversation with Judas. It was fascinating how similar the money lies I hear from my clients are to the stylize that Judith identifies with her clients. It was so much fun talking to her. She’s so amazing. So I encourage you to check out Judith, on her website www.judithgaton.com to learn how you can master your style. She has so many resources there are from no BS fashion rules free style class, a style class masterclass YouTube channel and her fabulous style masterclass podcast. So get out. You can also get access to Judith get her help with styling outfits for a photoshoot that we’re doing at Elevate Retreat.
So at Elevate Retreat, Judith is helping our ladies that have signed up, get help with hair styling, she’s doing like a mini version of her program with my retreat guests. And so you can get access to Judith, as well as an amazing four days of money mindset to create growth and momentum in your business. There are still rooms available at the little bit and backpackers that I’ve rented out for the retreat. And I would love to talk to you more about the retreat so you can check out all that we’re doing just by visiting www.jillwrightcoaching/elevate-retreat.com because you belong here and because You are Made for More