Are you waiting until you’re certain to do your BIG thing, to make your BIG impact?
How will you get there?
Let’s take a look at a process that might help.
I recently learned about Dan Sullivan’s 4 C’s
And then I added a fifth one, which is the one that my clients crave most and that’s Certainty.
And the reason they want Certainty is because it feels like a sure thing.
You can do anything when you’re Certain. What have you wanted that eludes you or has eluded you? For me, it’s success. I can so beautifully help other women and encourage them and show them the limits standing in their way and help them eliminate those obstacles, but my success still feels far away.
I think it’s important to know and get very specific about what you want first.
What is it you want right now that feels elusive?
If you want to solve the problem of whatever’s eluding you, get more specific about the problem, more specific about what you want.
For example, I want to be successful. If I don’t define what successful means to me, it’s going to be pretty tough to commit to it. I don’t know exactly what I’m committing to.
So that’s the very first thing. Get so specific that you know exactly what you’re committing to.
Think about a contract someone asks you to sign. If someone said they’ll pay you $10,000, you’ll be interested for sure, but would you agree to doing what you need to do to earn the $10,000? Probably not until you understand the terms of the agreement. It could be something very simple or something impossible or anything in between. It could become something you’re an expert in or something you know nothing about. you’ll need more details before you’ll be willing to commit to that contract or agreement. So think about that when you’re pursuing what you want. Make sure it’s specific enough to commit to.
What are you committed to? Next…
What’s stopping you? If you want it- really, really want it, why don’t you have it? What’s stopping you? What are the limitations? What are the obstacles?
When I got divorced, I was devastated. I got married to my high school sweetheart so I had never lived by myself. We had been on our own, but I had never been on my own alone.
Then I entered a relationship I would probably characterize as unhealthy. After that, I was all over the place. I was a mess in the romance department.
I finally quote got my act together when I moved to a new city and got a bit of a fresh start, in my life and in my finances. But I wasn’t really willing to put myself out there. This was completely unconscious, because I had a really convenient excuse called my job. I had taken a job where I would train for a year in North Carolina, then move to Florida.
Whenever I met a guy and went out on a date, right from the start I would tell him. Don’t get too attached, because I’m not staying here.
I can see now that it was an easy way to keep people at a distance and not have to invest myself and get burned. I wanted to keep the gates up to protect my emotions from getting ground to bits again. I had a limited mindset. What I believed about myself and about relationships limited my experience. We’ll come back to this in a minute.
Why did I tell every guy I dated not to get attached? Because I didn’t want to get attached. Because I didn’t want to put myself at risk. I wasn’t just doing this in my love life I was doing it in my career, wealth, and in my connections. I was limiting myself.
Because I was believing “This is not possible for me.” That’s what I was creating.
But what I didn’t realize at the time that I realize now is that I had not gotten clear and specific about what I want. Luckily, even though I wasn’t looking to God at the time. I didn’t have a relationship with Him back then, He was still looking after me.
You need to figure out what you want before you can get it. And when you ask the question, “What do I truly want?” you should answer it NOT from a place of what’s possible, but from what you most deeply desire.
And how I was showing up was playing small, because I was responding to what happened to me. I was not connected with who I truly was, but acting from a place of how do I not get hurt again?
So not only get specific about what you want but decide on purpose How do you want to show up, who do you want to be regardless of how anyone else acts, regardless of your current outcomes?
Future outcomes have nothing to do with current outcomes. Future outcomes have more to do with how you’re showing up now.
Current outcomes come from how you showed up in the past. Future outcomes will come from how you show up today.
But what we focus on by default are past outcomes.
This is where fear stops us. What are you afraid of? Where are you avoiding success because you’re avoiding disappointment? What are you guarding yourself from? What would you be doing, how would you be showing up if you were fearless you don’t have to get rid of the fear to show up that way. There’s this thing called courage that conquers fear. Courage shows up and says “So what?” to the warning bells going off in your head.
So back to the story of when I first met my current husband, Tim.
As I said, I know that God was looking out for me, because I had a limited mindset focused on playing it safe and somehow, He orchestrated a much greater story for me to tell.
I had moved to that new city. But I still kept in touch with a friend that I had previously worked with. I was coordinating with her to come visit her one weekend and she’s the one that told me about Tim.
She still worked at the dealership that I had been fired from — the only time in my life I’ve ever been fired — long story — turns out Tim was the guy who replaced me. And she was going to his house on the lake for a barbecue that he hosted every year. This just happened to be the weekend I was visiting. Naturally she invited me along.
I said, “Sure.” You can’t have too many friends on the lake. I thought that was settled until she called me back and told me that he wasn’t having his party because he had some construction to finish on his porch, but he said we could still come and go out on the boat. I said Sure! Let’s go.
Then a couple hours later she called me back again and told me her and her husband decided not to go, but Tim said I could still come. I said Sure!
That’s how I ended up on a date with Tim. And that’s when I gave him my spiel about Don’t get too attached. Yada. Yada. Yada. It was the end of April and I would be moving in July, so it was just a couple of months before I would be moving to Florida.
When I gave him my usual line, by this time it rolled off my tongue like a line in a play I’d been rehearsing for months.
Most guys responded pretty nonchalantly. I mean, let’s be serious, I was around 28 at that time. What guy at that age doesn’t want to hear that there are no expectations of commitment?
But Tim’s response was different. He simply said something like, “We don’t have to talk about that yet. We’ll just see.”
I was like, “Hmmm …. that’s not the response I normally get.” It kind of caught me off guard.
Now, I should tell you that I had come to terms with the possibility that I might never get married again and might never have kids. I think Motives were mixed — part acceptance in thinking, “Let’s just quit worrying about it” and part “let’s play it safe so I’m not disappointed. “
So I really wasn’t attached to one outcome or another.
Fast forward, this year we’ll celebrate our 20 year anniversary. He proposed to me about 6 weeks after that first date.
Had I not acted courageously in the face of fear, Had I remained guarded, I would not have opened the door to the abundance I’ve come to know, the wealth-emotional wealth, financial wealth and the full, rich life we’ve built together. Not to say I wouldn’t be able to accomplish what I have without him, but my point is that I wouldn’t have opened myself up to the life we’ve built together and the rich relationship we have. So think about where in your life you want to be more courageous, in order to open yourself up to more rich experiences-in your life and in your business. What have you been saying no to because of fear that you really want to say yes to what that would ultimately lead to?
I’ve had clients that have resistance to doing things in their business. It feels like they just don’t want to. They want the results that doing those things will produce for them, but they just don’t want to do those things that produce those results. I’ve never seen that turn out to be anything more than fear. So notice where you feel that resistance and consider how you can say so what to that fear and show up with courage instead.
Courage doesn’t come from not doing it. It comes from doing it anyway. When you do it anyway, you reduce the fear and build your skill not only in that thing, but your skill in being able to step into courage and do it anyway.
For example, Reels. I was afraid to do Reels-didn’t know how. But I stepped into courage and started doing it anyway. And surprise! I’m figuring it out.
That requires courage and that courage leads to figuring it out. When I figure it out and get better and better, less courage is required and the more confident I become. The more confident I become, the more powerfully I show up and the more certain getting what I want becomes. When I’m committed, courageous, capable and confident, I show up and when I show up the results I want become inevitable.
So Certainty-which is what my clients want most, come from this process-comes from you.
Let me repeat that. CERTAINTY COMES FROM YOU. It comes from going through this process.
And when we are certain, we ELEVATE our thinking, our possibilities and our results.
What does that look like?
Look at what you want.
Commit fully to what you truly desire. Commit by investing what you want to invest and believing it’s possible.
Look at why you don’t have it.
Look at where fear is standing in the way.
Step into courage.
Build your capability by doing what it takes to get what you want and by stepping out in courage.
Get small results and build your confidence.
Build confidence by not stopping.
Keep going — that’s what makes it inevitable.
That’s what I mean when I say CERTAINTY comes from you.
It comes from doing all the steps in the process.
You can be certain of one thing — YOU.
You can be certain you will keep going, because you get to decide that.
There’s your certainty. Use that to ELEVATE your thinking, ELEVATE your possibilities and ELEVATE your business, until it leads to the MORE you are MADE for.