CONNECT the DOTS
CONNECT the DOTS
Who are you?
Why are you who you are?
Where did your identity come from?
What you don’t know could hurt you and hurt your business.
Discover what you don’t know in this episode.
Whatever you need to get clear on in order to move forward in your business, that’s what we’re working on in my upcoming retreat. ELEVATE is a 4-day retreat designed to set you up for your best year ever in 2022! Get the first to get all the juicy details! Just give me your email here: I’m Interested!
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Full Episode Transcript
Well, you know what that means it’s time to expose the money lies. Let’s get started.
Hey, there, are you? Where did you come from? How did your identity develop? Do you know why you do the things you do? Or why you don’t do the things you don’t do? Do you know why you resist things in your business? Now, these all sound like pretty deep questions, and I think they are. But you know, I wanted to bring them up, because I’ve developed a lot of awareness around who I am and how I show up, and why I show up that way over the last few years. So I continue to be amazed at all of the things that I uncover, operating in the background. My money lies, as I keep doing the thought work that I’ve been talking about in the master your money mindset process, it is so astounding to me, the things that I still uncover, even after all of the work that I’ve done. So, you know, it really is, I think, a lifelong process, which is not a bad thing. We’re constantly developing. And we’re constantly shifting our awareness and shifting our thinking and creating new results and going after things that we never thought were possible. And it’s amazing, it’s fabulous. It’sI don’t know,
I can’t think of another word. So if you think of another word, email it to me, Jill, Jill Wright coaching Comm. But I recently took advantage of a special that a former client was offering, she was offering RTT sessions for a special price. And I thought,Oh, I’m gonna learn more about that. RTT is rapid transformational therapy. And it’s designed to give you deeper awareness into the subconscious mind. And you know, that I’ve talked before, about a lot of money lies being subconscious. And it being important in order to detect those money lies, to just build a general overall, greater awareness around what is going on in your mind. So it was, you know, so I wanted to take advantage of this. And I was so glad that I did, because it was so fascinating how I connected more things about what I saw in my identity, right how I thought about myself, and, and how I showed up from this to our session, and I’m going to share a few of those with you in this episode. So remember, this month, we’re talking about the teen Master, which stands for transform your identity. If you’re ready to truly transform your identity and stop living under the limits of your money lies, then you do definitely need to build deep awareness of the underlying belief system that drives how you show up in your business. And part of that is knowing where that comes from. And this is why I was so interested in learning more about RTT because I wanted to unlock even more of the potential I knew for sure was inside me. So here, I’m going to talk a little bit about some of the things that I learned in my RTT session with with my former client. So there were several situations or circumstances scenarios that came up in my RTT session from my childhood from the time when I was growing up. And so I’m not going to talk about all of them because I think, I don’t know there might have been five or six of them that we actually talked about in the session, but I’m not going to bore you with all of them. But I did my RTC session the thing that I wanted to work on in my session was clarity and focus and what what each It was interesting that every single situation that I remembered from my childhood that we brought up and talked about in the in the session you know, of course it was the the thing that made it a situation right came up in my mind that was significant for me was how it made me feel and how it made me feel came from what I made it mean about me, of course your thoughts create your feelings, you know that colors, your experience that drives your experience of any situation that you experience in the world. So what created those situations, those feelings, the conflict, the confusion, the chaos. What those situations did was make me feel invisible, small, alone, insignificant, unimportant, left behind, abandoned, discarded, like, I don’t matter, like nothing matters. Like it’s pointless, like, I’ll never matter. So it was clear to me why those situations came up and how they were related to my clarity and focus.
Because if you feel like nothing matters, then you’re not going to show up very powerfully in your business or whatever you’re doing in your life. Because it won’t matter. Who cares? If you feel invisible, then why does it matter? And so that is that explained so much. It was so powerful, it was so valuable. In the first situation, I was probably about five or six, I’m guessing. And so it was a little girl. And my mom had left my dad, they separated, they divorced. And my dad had custody of us, and I had visitation with my mom. And so the first situation that came up in my mind was I was sitting on the front porch waiting for her to pick us up, waiting for her to pick me up. It was me and my brothers. But I was the youngest at that point. I was I was her youngest child. My dad had had others, but that’s beside the point with his second wife. So I’m alone on the porch. For some reason I was by myself, I’m not sure where my brothers were. But this is what was in my memory. And she hadn’t picked me up and she was late.
She so I was starting to wonder, is she going to pick me up? Did she forget about me. And so my thought was, and so I’m going to run through sort of a couple of models, the model in each situation, just to give you a flavor of what I was feeling, thinking, etc. From the situations and how they led me to believe or feel invisible, small, insignificant, like, I don’t matter. So the thought was, she forgot about me, I don’t matter. She doesn’t care about me. And then I feel left insignificant, unimportant. And so as so I doubt my worth, I don’t question my thoughts. And as a result, I leave myself behind my true self. I don’t care. I forget about me. I make my results unimportant. So that’s, that’s one situation. So you can kind of see how I made it mean, she’s not here yet. She is not going to pick me up. That means that I don’t matter. I’m not important to her. She doesn’t care.
So, in another situation, I was much older. I was probably guessing 16 or 17 years old. It was senior night and I was a cheerleader for the basketball team in my high school. While I was at my school, we lived in a very small town. It was my school was K through 12. So very small school. Everybody knew everybody. And it was senior night. Well, on senior night, the parents come and they call all of the seniors out onto the basketball court, all the cheerleaders all the basketball players that are seniors, and they also call their parents out. They call their mom, they call their dad and then I think, you know, you get to give a rose to your mom or whatever. Well, I was the only basketball player cheerleader. I was the only one that was called out there on senior night that didn’t have any parents there. So I basically had the same type of thoughts as I had sitting on that porch by myself. Nobody cares about me, I might as well have not been born. I might as well be invisible. Right. So that becomes my identity, similar feelings, similar actions, similar results. I don’t care about me. I make myself invisible. That one last one that I’ll mention is when my stepmom came and pulled me out Have extracurricular activities after school because of something that had happened with my sister, and so I had known about, you know, my sister and something that she had been hiding from my stepmom. And I got in trouble for not spilling the beans, I was loyal to my sister and I felt like I had supported her as best I could, without betraying her confidence, you know, her safety wasn’t at risk as far as I knew. And so I got in trouble for that. And again, I felt like, I don’t matter, everybody else is more important than me. I’m insignificant. I didn’t feel heard, I didn’t feel seen. And so that became my identity, invisible, I don’t matter. Or, you know, at least if I’ve been visible, I have a safe explanation of people not seeing me, at least, there’s a reason if I show up invisible on purpose,
then I won’t have to suffer the agonizing realization that people just don’t see me people just don’t care. But if I make myself visible, and they don’t see me, don’t choose me, then maybe it’s because I’m not we’re seeing. So it’s easier to just not put myself out there and not stand the chance of somebody not seeing me. Right. So if I’m invisible on purpose, then I don’t risk people not seeing me, you know. And so what happens is I minimize the effort, I minimize the possibility of proving my suspicions true. Yeah, I believe them anyway. But at least if they’re unproven, they’re unconfirmed beliefs are conceptually, right. So I can go on believing nothing I do matters, but still secretly hoping that it really does. And so I can see this playing out all throughout my life. And, you know, I measure my energy, you know, I’m an enneagram, five, I’ve recently learned, and they measure their energy. And I totally see that. But I think part of that also comes from my identity as being invisible as not mattering. And so I’m only going to spend my energy in ways that are meaningful, and if it doesn’t matter, if I don’t matter, then I’m not interested in spending my energy that way.
So you know, if I looked, I could see everywhere that this was playing out in my life, or my business, what I did want to share it are the ways that I’ve examined this, since I learned about it in this RTT session, of turning this around and reframing these stories, to better serve me because it really doesn’t serve me if I want to impact a million women, and help them become equipped and empowered to create a million dollars in net worth, it’s not going to serve me very well, to be invisible, right. And so these were secrets that I was keeping, even from myself. And so if there are secrets that you’re keeping from yourself, I want to share with you how you uncover these secrets and what you can learn for them from them. And in my book, I also talk about situations or events, things that happened during my life that made me feel abandoned, and that I made mean, I am not enough that That must be why nobody showing up for me is because I’m not enough. I’m I don’t matter. It was essentially what I had been believing all of that all of my life. And I might as well be invisible. So what how did I show up, I showed up as invisible that all my life, I’ve been sort of one of those behind the scenes person, I don’t want to step out in get attention. I just want to I want to be supportive. I want to help people, I want to make a difference. I want to contribute, no matter where I am. But I want to do that from the background. And so imagine that you’re starting a business and all your life all you have been working toward is being invisible the whole time because you think, well, I’m invisible. I must be invisible. I don’t matter. And so stepping into building your own business where visibility is key where visibility helps you build your business and that I had a lot of resistance around that. But I didn’t know the reason. I didn’t know all the reasons that that was happening. I just knew I knew that there was resistance, I knew that it was very difficult for me to step up and, and speak up and all of these things. So what I did after I realized these new insights through this RTT session is one day I thought, Okay, well, if those are the stories that I’ve been telling myself all my life since these events happened, then what if I just rewrote all of those stories.
And so here is what I came up with, as a way to rewrite those stories. So first, we’re gonna go back to that time, when I was sitting on the front porch, I was waiting for my mom. And obviously, at that age, I was not alone. Even though I felt alone. I’m sure there were people in the house through me have even been people on the porch with me, you know, my brothers would have been waiting for my mom to pick them up. They were somewhere around, right. So I wasn’t truly alone. And even though I felt alone, I know that I matter to my mom, because later in, in the later years after that, I mean, at at several points along that journey. Over the next several years, I knew that I mattered to her. She used to call me Wendy Bay. I was her youngest daughter, and she would just, you know, she would say, you will always be my baby, you know, so I wasn’t insignificant to her. People love me. And I delighted them. I remember this joke I used to tell when I was little. Everybody that came within earshot of me, I would tell this joke. I’m sure everybody got super tired of hearing it. But I’ll tell you. So the joke was, how do you put your hot pants out? And now remember, you know, my age back then it was it was after the right after the time that hot pants were popular. So if you don’t know what hot pants are, go look it up if you’re too young to know what that means. So how do you put your hot pants out? With pantyhose? Aha, I love that joke. That was my favorite joke. I told it to everybody. Okay, so I know that people love me and isolated them because I remember them listening to that joke ad nauseum. Even though they didn’t have to write, I brought a sense of peace and calm to the family. I was I was always quiet. I mean, a lot of you know me, and I’m not a huge talker, I I’m relatively quiet, I have a soft, softer speaking voice. And so and but I’ve always brought a sense of peace and calm to situations. And I always preferred to observe more than participate, except for when I had jokes to tell, because I love to make people feel good. I love to make people laugh. Not that I was a clown, or, you know, remember, I didn’t necessarily always like attention. But if I had an opportunity, I would try to make them laugh. Or I would just, you know, say something that tickled myself and I didn’t care if anybody else. But I also enjoyed my independence and my solitude, I’ve never had a problem. being by myself, I, you know, have moved different places not knowing anybody in the city that I was going to, I just have never had a problem being alone. And I actually value highly value, my alone time, my downtime, my quiet time. You know, my husband likes to always have a radio or TV or something, some noise in the background. And I I prefer quiet,
but so that’s, that’s who I truly am. Whether I was six, or you know, I think I’ll still be this way when I’m 60, though, that’s kind of describes who I truly am. So all of those things came out in that memory. And I don’t have to make any of those things mean something bad. So that’s how I rewrite my story. That’s just who I am. Right? And it’s not a problem. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t matter, right. So another another situation that I had talked about was my stepmom pulling me out of that after school activity. Obviously, finding out what she learned about my sister she was confused and hurt. She probably felt like a bad mom. So she acted out and created that result. The truth is that I was a cell With foundation for my sister in a time, that must have been very confusing, very troubling for her, I was a rock, a calm, peaceful rock, I mattered to my sister, she didn’t have anyone else to lean on for support at that time. And I was there for her. So it really doesn’t matter what anybody else’s model is what anybody else thinks of me or thought of me at that time. I know who I was, in those moments when I was supporting her. And when I was doing the best I could, and for her, and when I was truly showing up in the energy that matter to her.
So the last memory that I talked about was senior night where no one there to celebrate me, again, I was a rock, I could have hidden, but I was a pillar of strength in who knows who I impacted that night, as I stood up there by myself, strong, proudly representing and standing up for my own accomplishments, I stood up for myself. So that I can stand in that identity, even today, I can stand in that identity that I am willing to stand up, and even when it’s uncomfortable, and even when it’s not perfect. And even when nobody else is there to cheer me on. I know that I am lovable, lovable, I know that I matter. And so all of that happened perfectly, because I didn’t rely a whole lot on those external, that external validation, because I didn’t really have that much of it. I didn’t rely on external support. And as a result, I very, I developed a very strong sense of self,I developed a very strong sense that I could rely on myself, that I could trust myself to take care of me. And a sense that that I had, I always had somebody to count on, because I could always count on myself. So my survival mechanism was to lean on myself and not to lean on others for help and strengthen my courage, it really strengthened my resolve. And it strengthened my determination, and strengthened to belief that I can do whatever I set my mind to. So, you know, now I realized that at some point, I got tired and sat down and decided, I didn’t want to go all in the energy cost was too great. But now I realize the energy cost doesn’t have to be significant. It doesn’t have to deplete me. I can just stand in my strength I can. I am emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually strong. And I represent peace and calm, and love and compassion, and generosity. I’m a very faithful person. I’m a woman of high integrity. And that’s why people want to be around me. I am not confused, alone, chaotic, conflicted, insignificant, I matter. And I’m making a difference. And the reason I’m telling you all this, is that you have something similar inside you. And you can tell yourself the story that best serves you. So what is that story? What is that story? Where the ending is, I am made for more. Did you know I am hosting a retreat in Nashville, Tennessee, this fall, October 2021. I’m having a retreat, and it’s an event that I am super, super, super excited about. So it’s the elevat retreat. And here’s why I’m excited. No matter where you are in your business, this is an amazing opportunity to get away from all the noise in your life, all of the distractions and the interruptions and get quiet. It’s such a good time of year to come to Nashville. I’m renting a small private venue where we can make deep connections with the other women there. It’s a very small group, no more than 16 women are going to be able to get into this retreat. And not only will it be a great opportunity to get coaching on your limited money mindset, and make some new friends or deepen connections with those existing friends. There are some very tangible takeaway takeaways, so included in the cost of the retreat you’ll get to work with on a branding x asset with the fabulous Deena Rutter branding extraordinaire. You’re going to learn from her the key things to keep in mind as you build your brand, whether you’re just in the beginning stages of your business or in strengthening your Brand if you’ve been in business a while, you’ll get some time with a personal stylist who will help you define or redefine your personal style in conjunction with your branding and positioning and she will help you style outfits for your branding photoshoot. So we’re going to also provide a branding photoshoot with my photographer. Karen Halbert. Karen superpower is taking photos that clearly convey your brand and what you stand for. She is so gifted at bringing out who you truly are. And on top of that, she makes it so much fun. You’re really gonna enjoy this even if you’re like me and you don’t normally getting enjoy for getting photos taken. This will be such a treat, everything will be taken care of once you arrive, we’ve coordinated everything for you. So you don’t have to worry about a thing. You’re used to taking care of everyone but I’m telling you when you arrive here, we’re going to be taking care of you. So go to my website and check it out. And if you’re interested, don’t waste any time because there are a maximum of 16 spots. There are a couple of pricing options depending on the room you want and whether you want single or double double occupancy, but I just know this I would love to have you there.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai