Lie: It’s awful to feel awful, so you should just avoid it at all costs.
It’s easy to believe this lie, BUT it’s not always easy to see that we’re believing this lie. We think we’re feeling all our feelings, but if you’re anything like a lot of my clients, you may not be feeling your feelings as much as you might think.
Do you notice yourself shifting from negative thinking to positive thinking, using the rule “what you focus on grows” against yourself, not allowing yourself to fully process negative thinking?
What I notice my clients doing is “allowing” their feelings, but “choosing” something different to get out of that feeling.
Now there appears to be a pretty fine line between sitting in your feelings and allowing them and processing them and shifting out of those negative feeling in order to feel better. What I notice is that when they don’t take the time to process those feelings and learn from them, those feelings lie in wait to get them stuck again.
So how do you distinguish between processing feelings and shifting the beliefs that are causing them and simply shifting out of the feeling without processing it and learning what it has to teach you?
You can follow some simple questions to check in with yourself. Questions like these will often help you “be on to yourself” and really become honest with yourself. They will enable you to distinguish between shifting out of the belief versus simply shifting out of the feeling.
It’s a learning process, so don’t expect to become skilled at it right out of the gate. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. There’s no rush. It’s a process of becoming more aware.
- How often do you feel this way?
- What do you notice triggers you to feel this way?
- What is the problem?
- Is the problem that you feel this way or is feeling this way pointing you to an underlying problem?
- What have you learned that this feeling has to teach you?
- How have you incorporated that teaching into your life upon learning it?
- When do you shift out of that feeling?
- How do you shift out of that feeling?
- How long before that feeling returns?
- What is the belief that triggers that feeling?
- Where did that belief come from?
- Why does it return?
- What have you tried in order to shift that belief?
- How is that working for you? Why or why not?
- When you shift out of the feeling, is a clean break or is there still an underlying hum like white noise in the background?
Often my clients, wanting more to shift out of the feeling than to shift out of the belief, tend to simply “cover up” the feeling that they don’t want to feel with a positive thought that helps them feel what they do want to feel. What this creates is an underlying hum of negative energy that they can’t quite identify. It’s like malware on a computer. You know that something is draining the performance of your computer, but you can’t quite put your finger on the underlying cause.
Without knowing what’s causing this drain, you can’t treat it. You only teach your brain to “cover up” unpleasant or uncomfortable feelings, which your brain is happy to comply with.
Instead, address the symptom (the unpleasant feeling) head on. Poke at it, see what’s at the root of that feeling and address the root cause.
When you only address the symptom, the symptom returns. When you address the root cause, the symptom may return, but each time it does, you have more information with which to develop a treatment plan for the root cause. Eventually you have enough data to solve the problem permanently.
This is what happens with a limited money mindset. There are lots of symptoms of this, but when you don’t address the limited money mindset itself and you only treat the symptoms, you end up really frustrated and ready to quit.
I can help you with this.
I have lots of resources on my website at http://jillwrightcoaching.com/ to help you sign MORE clients, help MORE people and make MORE money. I have spots available in my M.A.S.T.E.R. Your Relationship With Money program right now, too.
YOU are MADE for MORE – let me help you uncover your MORE!