Like my clients, I used to have so much drama over making decisions. I didn’t see how to get “there” from “here”.
Have you ever gotten stuck in the “Why am I not there already” spiral? What’s that feel like? Isn’t it awful? It feels impossible to get out of once you get stuck there.
How do we even end up in that spiral in the first place?
For some reason, we get obsessed with getting “there”, because we think that’s so much better than here. Or we compare ourselves to people who are “there”.
Last week, I wrote about what I love about HERE. And it was such a great exercise for me to think about what I love about HERE, because I too get obsessed with getting there. So much so that I forget to enjoy HERE. If you missed that blog post, check it out here.
When I’m not trying to get “there”, when I’m content here, I feel more peace. When I’m so obsessed with getting “there”, I get worked up and panicky, thinking that here is terrible and what if I never get “there”?
Other coaches are “there”. Why can’t I be there? What am I doing wrong?
We compare ourselves to other coaches and other entrepreneurs ALOT.
Why is that?
It’s really not a problem to compare yourself to others, until it gets you stuck and it prevents you from moving forward in your business.
The problem is we compare ourselves to other coaches or entrepreneurs and where they are, without any context about what got them there, how long it took, or where we are. Often, it’s not even a real comparison.
It’s like comparing a ripe peach to an apple blossom. Why would we think those should taste the same?
An apple blossom will NEVER become a ripe, juicy peach. However, the apple blossom can look at the peach’s strategy for getting there and get to be a ripe, crisp, tasty apple. It can soak up sunshine like the peach, get plenty of water, stay on the tree until just the right time.
When we compare ourselves to other coaches, we look at everything they are that we’re not. Then we spin in that. We spiral downward until we feel so defeated, discouraged and inadequate that we just want to go to bed and hide for the rest of our lives. We just want to give up.
Instead of comparing ourselves to other coaches and only looking at what they have that we don’t, what if we just look at where they are and how they got there and compare that to where we are and what we can learn to get where we’re going? Wouldn’t that be more useful?
And not so that we can copy them. But so we can observe and learn from them.
It’s not all that helpful to look at exactly what they did. What tasks they put on their calendar, how they did those tasks.
It could, however, be helpful to look at their strategy. Observe what they’re doing and look for patterns. Look for things you like and why they chose those things. Look for the things that they’re doing over the long-term. If they’re still doing them, it must be working. Look for ways that you can leverage what you learn and how you can apply that to your niche, to your business. Then do your version of that strategy.
Look to other coaches and other experts in the online space to see what strategies they’re using. Try to imagine what they might be believing, feeling and doing. Imagine what they’re not doing (spinning, ruminating, getting stuck). Imagine what that might look like for you.
Do the same thing with your future self. Look to the future version of yourself and see how she utilized what you learned. See what she kept and what she discarded. Don’t look at her how. Just look at her strategy for figuring out the how.
I had a client that would regularly look to her future self to make decisions. That’s great, as long as you don’t get stuck in the weeds.
If she saw a bag she really liked, she would ask herself, “Future self, would you buy this bag?” And she would think that future self would buy the bag because future self has plenty of money.
How many of you have done that?
Here’s the problem with that approach. It only looks at the decision itself. It doesn’t look to HOW future self makes decisions. Future self doesn’t make decisions one dimensionally. She doesn’t make a decision based on whether she can do something. She makes decisions from accessing what is the best decision for who she’s becoming.
We’re always becoming someone. The question is are we becoming the person we want to be?
Future self has a strategy for making spending decisions. Here are some things she might consider:
- Did I include a new bag in the budget this month?
- If I included money in the budget for accessories, why do I want this bag at this time?
- What will the bag add to my life?
- Do I need the bag?
- When and where will I use the bag?
- When I’m not using the bag, where will I store it?
- Do I have the money or do I need to go into debt for it?
- How do I feel about debt? What did I decide ahead of time to use debt for?
Depending on what’s in her decision protocol and how she has decided ahead of time to make spending decisions, she will go to those questions, gather the data from the answers to those questions and make the best decision for her.
How does future me budget? How does future me run her business? How does future me treat me? What does future me value?
Chances are your future you’s decision will not be based on impulses from her survival brain motivated by seeking pleasure or immediate gratification. It will be based on her financial goals and her lifestyle goals and how many bags she wants cluttering up her new custom closets. It will be based on how she budgets, how she treats herself and her money, what she values. Most likely, it will NOT be based only on whether she has the money for the bag.
See how different this is?
When you access your future self, go to your whole self. Picture the way you make decisions, how you live your life, your intentions, your goals, your focus.
Do the same thing when you compare yourself to others. Don’t just compare yourself and where you are today to where they are today. That’s not a meaningful comparison. Compare the things that you have control over. Compare how you’re making decisions. Compare strategies.
Who are you becoming? How does that person make decisions based both on where she is as well as where she’s going?
I can help you build a decision protocol. Just book a FREE Value Call and we’ll brainstorm together on how you can make the best decisions for who you are now AND who you’re becoming.
Click below to book yours:
Because YOU are MADE for MORE!
I do have a couple of spots open in my 6-month 1:1 M.A.S.T.E.R. Money coaching program. When you’re ready to build a strong, solid foundation to support your business and the money you want to make, I encourage you to apply. Learn How To Work With Me