CONNECT the DOTS
CONNECT the DOTS
What vision do you have for your life?
What dreams are whispering in your ear?
What is keeping you from creating and having the life of your dreams?
NOTHING ever has to stand between you and your dreams.
When you’re feeling defeated and discouraged, you have options.
Amanda Kingsley is a Certified Life Coach and Doula, and the host of the Speaking Light Into Abortion podcast. After her own unanticipated abortion as a mother of three, she recognized the need for a wider conversation around mental health and the complex emotional landscape of life after abortion.
She reminds her audience that it’s okay to feel all the feelings after abortion, and that we can honor our decisions by living the life we made our choice for. You can learn more and connect with her at www.amandastarkingsley.com
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Well, you know what that means it’s time to expose the money lies. Let’s get started, hey, when this podcast airs, I will be at my elevate retreat. And I will be having so much fun with the women there. Oh my gosh, I cannot wait to tell you all about it. But in the meantime, you know, I have been stressing a little bit because this was my first retreat. And I’ve learned so much. And I can’t wait to do the next one. So be on the lookout, listen, be listening to see when I’m going to do one I’m in one day this year. But I definitely want to do another in person event. And I also want to do a virtual event coming up in 2022. So be listening for when I announced that because that is going to be a lot of fun because I learned so much from this.
I was a little bit stressed, but that’s okay, because everything turned out perfectly.
Now the other thing that kind of stresses people out is the holidays, which are definitely coming up, we’ve got Halloween and then right behind that. Thanksgiving, if you’re in the US, I do have lots of Canadian clients. So they already had their Thanksgiving. But and then Christmas, of course, and personally, I don’t stress during the holidays. But my husband and I, we don’t really have a lot of expectations we don’t usually do a whole lot. Now this year. I don’t know we haven’t completely ruled it out. But around Thanksgiving, that’s our anniversary, and we wanted to do something for our 20th anniversary, but travel is still kind of wonky right now. I mean, it’s you know, just things aren’t completely open and the you know, air travel is still a little bit of a pain in the butt. I think it’s very unpredictable, flights get changed, flight gets canceled or you know, whatever. So I don’t know what we’ll do. But normally during the holidays, we don’t have a lot of expectations. We don’t try to do too much. But I know that this can be a super stressful time for a lot of people especially if you have kids. Now if you like stress then you’re in luck because the holidays can certainly deliver a great opportunity to get stressed.
But if you’re not a big fan of stress, then one of my friends is doing something for the holidays that I think you might be interested in. My friend Marla Regan is offering a free series on how to experience the holidays stress free, can you imagine that experiencing the holiday stress free now she’s going to be doing this free series Monday, October 25 through Friday, October 29. And these this series is going to be at every one of those days at 9am Central and she’s doing it on Facebook. She’s generously giving you her best five tips in five days in five minutes so it doesn’t even take a lot of time you just pop on at nine and in five minutes she’ll have you great tip that is going to save you a lot of stress that you can discover the secrets to stress the holidays so why stress during the most wonderful time of year Don’t let overwhelm rob you of those magical moments that you could be making memories instead of you know whatever the instead of chaos right you can really take your holidays from chaos to calm. You joining Marla Regan certified productivity court coach of organized time and you can find the details on her Facebook page at organize time. She’s just offering you time freedom and freedom from stress and freedom is what we’re talking about in October and today’s guest is offering freedom from judgment and from a life smaller than you deserve.
Today I’m talking to Amanda Kingsley. I met Amanda she is so awesome. I love her so much at the Life Coach School mastermind meeting in 2019. You know she if you were there, you know that she gave a super powerful three minute talk and when she sat back down I realized that she was actually sitting behind me in the row behind me. And so at a break I introduced myself and we’ve been connected ever since we worked together for a little while I coached her on money. It was it was so much fun and she continues to come to a lot of my group calls because I leave those open to past clients, which I love doing because I love creating powerful, strong community of women. And I love brainstorming and collaborating with Amanda because we both always just walk away with so much insight and value I tell you we have never had a conversation where one of us has not had a very powerful aha moment. And Amanda Kingsley just to give you a formal intro is a certified life coach in doula and host of the speaking light into abortion podcast after her own and anticipated abortion as a mother of three. She recognized the need for wider conversation around mental health and the complex emotional landscape of life after abortion. She reminds her audience that it’s okay to feel all the feelings after abortion and that we can honor our decisions by living the life we made our choice for you can learn more and connect with Amanda at https://www.amandastarkingsley.com/ that’s a m a n d a s t a r k i n g s l e y. com. She offers her clients so much freedom and shows them the life that is truly possible for them. I hope you enjoy this conversation with Amanda as much as I did.
Hey, Amanda, it is so great to have you on the money lies podcast. I’m so glad we finally made this happen. We’ve been talking about it for so long. And it’s it finally, we both finally made it happen. So I’m so thrilled here I am pretty funny because this week, I’ve been like really exploring some money thoughts in an interesting way. So of course, we’re here together today. I mean is always perfect. So I want to get started by of course I did your formal bio, but I always like to ask my guests to tell us a little bit more about you as a person. You know, not all of the stuffy stuff, but the real person who is Amanda, what, you know, what brought you here, anything you want to share about who you are, because I like I mean, these are always conversations, I don’t do quote interviews. I just have a conversation. So I want my audience and whoever else, you know, if your audience listens to this, I want everybody to just really understand, who are they having a conversation with? Yeah, yeah. Um, alright, if I were gonna paint you a little picture of who I am. I married my high school sweetheart. We’re in our 40s now. So we’ve been together like way a good amount longer than we’ve been apart. So that’s a fun little fact. Um, and yeah, that comes with all of its own, like journey and lives and lessons and delights. Um, so we raised three kids have two teenage girls, two high schoolers and second grade boy like we’re just like, pretty difficult average american family. We live in the cutest little town ever. Q tests a little town ever in Massachusetts. Um, yeah, I’ve seen your way and love it. Yeah. I live a pretty magical life. But as we know, even the most magical lives are you know, air quotes. 50/50 right. Like it’s we’re just all having a human experience. So yeah, what else about me? I don’t know. I I’m just like a learner. And I do we’re a Trier. Um, I see you as a student of life. I mean, that’s what I always pictured like you’re just open to everything Not always. Like you said in a magical way, sometimes in a very resistant way.
Well, it’s really funny because money is like my absolute number one most resistant thing and so here we are together. But I do agree I like this can i here to do it and try it and I don’t know express myself help other people find their voice. Like, long before coaching, it’s just sort of my role is to like, be curious and hold space for discovery. Yeah, so it makes sense that we didn’t get to this until now. Because in October, we’re talking about freedom. And you just painted the picture of freedom. Yeah, yeah. Um, before I got into my niche that I work with now, I was doing some coaching around like, what’s your why, like what’s, you know, find that why that’s gonna actually fuel you in your life. And I was pretty resistant to most of the whi tools out there. Um, and so I created this tool that I still use to this day with, with my clients and with just whoever’s interested, but my y word. And that’s how I sort of find that language.
My word was freedom, like, and it’s interesting because I did come to a place where that shifted for me because I realized I was free. Like, I had freedom. I didn’t need it to fuel me like it just was who I was. So I thought it was so interesting. When you said this is freedom month, you want to come on the podcast, I was like, Oh, yeah, I’ve been there. done that. Oh, my gosh, I love that. I’m sure you’ve told me that before. But it is no escaping. I remember now that you mentioned it. I remember that you did. One of your why. sessions with me. Yeah. And my why word was Love. Love. Yeah, that just came up. You think that would work? You would think that word comes up more often than it does. Um, connections, one that comes up a lot. Peace. freedom comes up a lot. But it just came up with another coach, the word love. It’s a It’s a beautiful, why word and I realized like, yeah, it’s a little process I take people through to find just one word that resonates with them. Yeah. And that can be fuel and light. And now my word after it moved from freedom for many, many years, moved to growth. And I am just like, driven, which is kind of my introduction, right is like I’m just driven by this desire to be curious and to grow and to like, deal with the messy and create something from it. Yeah, that’s so amazing. So wasn’t expecting to talk so much about why words, but here we are. Yeah. Well, that’s why I love these conversations, because it’s just like having coffee with a friend. And you just get to go wherever the conversation takes you. And it’s always perfect, right? Yeah. So actually, this is super fascinating, because I’ve never thought about it this way. But around the time, so my work now is with people after abortion. And it was not too long, I’m gonna cry like, This is crazy. It was not too long after I had my own abortion experience that that word shifted for me. And I think like having an unplanned pregnancy, and choosing abort, oh my god, I’m so emotional right now. I talk about this all the time. I’ve never thought about it this way. But having that unplanned pregnancy and making what for me was the most difficult choice I’ve yet to make. was the ultimate act of freedom. Like it was, I can’t think of anything, that wolf showed me how free I was. And gave me like an immense amount of freedom in my life to follow my dreams and do what I wanted in the world and create the family I wanted to have. Um, and that is about the time that my word shifted to growth. And I think it just became so embodied in me that freedom was a thing through that experience, that it didn’t feel me the same way as as growth did so. Wow. That’s super interesting. Yeah. And how much did you have to grow in order to get through that experience? Yeah, yeah, it was the catalyst for so much growth. And what I think is coming back to your word, which is love. What struck me the most about moving through my own abortion was, it was a choice based solely on love. And that’s really hard for people to comp to wrap their heads around. They’re like, you know, just straight up like you’ve killed your baby. How’s that love? Like, you went against God’s will? How is that love and to?
The word that’s popping into my mind is reckon I don’t know if that’s the right word, but like to reckon with that, like struggle, that inner struggle to realize, yeah, it was like, it was so powerful that decision for me was love. And at the same time, it was so, so hard. But to follow your inner truth in that way, no matter what anyone else thinks love is, is the ultimate freedom. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I mean, a lot of people don’t agree won’t agree with that choice. But that’s not their choice to make. Yeah. Yeah. That’s your choice in and I always say, I mean, I mean, they, they teach us at the life sculpt School, which we’re both certified. With, I cannot possibly know what’s best for you. And, you know, I think, you know, I am openly Christian, I talk about my faith all the time. And I think this podcast will probably shock a few people. Because, yeah, I can’t ever see myself making that choice. But that’s, that’s my decision, right? Not, not anybody else’s. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still come from love for anybody else in the world. I mean, that is also part of my faith, the love, right of my fellow humans, regardless of their decisions, and acceptance for any body, and any decision, my own, or others, because I find a lot of my clients even judge themselves harshly for whatever they do, right? And even if it’s not a decision as big as you had to make, you know, with abortion, you know, even the small decisions we judge ourselves for, and that limits us, right, that keeps us from doing the big things that we were meant to do in the world that keeps us small. That keeps us not free. Yeah, yeah. That’s like I’m having all kinds of aha moments right now. It’s fun to be on the side. Yeah. It’s fun to be the guest on a podcast because I host my own podcast. So I’m often times like conversationally in your in your position. And it’s just like, I’m literally thinking about my own experience in new ways, just being here, but I was, I would have spoken the words you just spoke 10 years ago, or even my abortion was four years ago. So even five years ago, like I would have loved and supported anyone who, who chose abortion, but I was pretty much like, 98% I will never have one that won’t be me. Like, I love you. But I, I won’t do that. Um, and I’m so much like a mother at heart. Like so much of my identity has, has been in my maternal instinct, like, long before I was a mother. Like, I was a kid with a baby around her all that time. And even with your your other role, which I can never pronounce. Oh, as a doula. Oh, yeah. As a doula. Yeah, yeah. I was a great doula like pregnancy, birth, postpartum babies, like it was my life. And so I always sort of just identified politically as pro choice, because I knew that I could love and support other people for making that choice. But what happened? The aha that I’m having, as you were talking is like, there’s lots of other people’s choices that we can love them for.
But what happened in my own unplanned pregnancy was I had to love myself. Yeah, making a choice. It was like, Oh, I can love you if you’re having a hard time, but I, but really, like, it’s way harder to love me, like, I cannot judge you, but can I not judge myself? Yeah, um, and we always struggle more with how we treat ourselves than we do with how we treat other people. And so I was the person who said all the time, like, Well, you know, if I if I get pregnant, I was probably meant to have a baby like, keep the baby Baby babies are awesome kids are awesome i love mothering um and so to make that choice and be faced with like truly loving myself through that like such mind blowing expansion of who I was and yeah and that process of learning to love yourself despite any circumstance despite any decision despite any right anything unlocks so much for you to oh my god I’m having another moment Joe and it’s a money moment because yesterday I thought you might hear some people have papers shuffling because yesterday I was getting coached and what I wrote in like gigantic words on a piece of paper was a hope that up so I can see I know that on this podcast you’re not going to see it but my messy notes you probably can’t even read it but it says the way I feel about money is the way my clients feel about abortion. And I’m noticing as we’re talking I have this similar feeling about like well you can make a bunch of money you can get paid well for your coaching other people can reach their goals other people can have thriving businesses but I can’t like I can love you and believe you’re not a bad person because you’re wealthy but can I love myself and believe I’m not a bad person as I become as I gain more wealth like my exact same thing exactly have I know I know I’m dying right now. Um so this is like a huge aha for me and very much tied into some of my money lies like I have a lot of beliefs about money that I don’t want to have and they’re but they’re so ingrained in me and like it is it has been a source of consistent struggle for me is charging owning my worth believing it’s worth it like trusting the value like it should all be free everyone should get my work for free.
So this has been a big struggle for me but seeing just like seeing this connection right here where like it’s okay if other people are successful other people make money other people have money. But can I love myself when I am that person with with wealth and I had it like I had a really big income month last year for for my business, not last year, last month in September. It created a lot of freakout you’re like oh shit, tell us about this war on your power. That’s okay. That it that part out? Um, if I keep making this amount of money, what does that mean? What does that mean about who I am and what I do and it stirred up a lot. That’s why I think a lot I knew I’m becoming Yeah, and who I’m becoming and can I love myself through the success in the wealth through Yeah, with this with this dollar amount attached to who I am. Can you tell us Will you tell us what the dollar amount is? Oh, sure. Um, last month I made $8,577 which was Yeah, been at sort of a steady pace which felt really good to me and then last month was not significantly higher, but it was my biggest month to date. And you know, my goals are much bigger than that. But I’m gonna have to get through all these lies to reach those goals and even just seeing them at a fraction right? is it’s an eye opener it’s so bad right now. I know you’d know I Well, I don’t like it’s literally all happening like in my brain as we talk so it’s super it’s just really fascinating but yeah, yeah, I think that was for me with abortion was like, Oh, well, other people can do that.
But I would never do that. And really what that means is I wouldn’t love myself if I did that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And it turns out I love myself so much harder, which is really good proof for me if I take this and apply it to the money story. Like I have evidence that even though something looks and feels that scary, like it’s going to be amazing on the other side. Yeah. Yeah, so what are some other? What you know what I call money lies, but in this case would be abortion lies or love yourself lies that your clients believe? Um What are some lies that my clients believe? Um, wow, why is this? I think this is so hard for me to answer because my brain is just like, so exploding right now. Well, we can come back to that one thing, explosion out. Yeah. And note that I took earlier when you were talking about, you know, it’s not my choice to make it’s other people’s choice to make. And so I think the biggest thing that most of my clients struggle with is other people’s opinions about them. And it’s so funny because we have opinions about everyone’s life all the time, we have opinions about how people communicate in their marriage, how they make money, how they parent their kids, how, how they paint their house, like, but for some reason, because really, politically, it’s become an issue, we think abortion is different, like, well, that opinion is different than how you parent your kids, but we’re fully and perfectly capable of letting other people’s opinions be other people’s opinions. We do it all the time, all day long. Um, and so I think that is like, one of the biggest struggles for my clients is like, what will people think of me? Will I lose my tribe? I’m also like, Did this one thing, ruin my whole life? Did this one thing break me prove that I’m broken? Do I now and I know a lot of your audience does have a religious background. And I think many of my clients come to me thinking they made the decision, they know it was the right decision, and they will be punished. And so they are punishing themselves in the belief that what they did was against their, their religion. And so they live in, in suffering, because they’re so afraid of that belief system that they just end up punishing themselves. Um, so yeah, I mean, judgment work is a lot, a lot of stuff. shame, guilt, regret, I have clients who can who, who regret their abortion, and they don’t they keep that regret. And that’s okay. Like, we can make choices in our life that we regret. Just because it was a pregnancy doesn’t make it any different. It’s just a regret I have and I can still live a beautiful life, I can still serve the world in a beautiful way. I can still shine even if I have regrets in my past. Yeah. Yeah.
There is nothing that has to separate us from love. No. And I mean, I’m not a religious person, but I was very much in communication with God, spirit universe, whatever you want to call it. When I made my abortion decision, and I was very much in conversation with that, baby, I do call it a baby. Some people don’t. But for me, it was like, this soul picked me. But I don’t think that soul picked me to be born. I think that soul picked me for this so that I could help people so that I could change who I was in the world so that I could face my own. Like inner truths. Yeah, I do think that soul picked me, but not to be born. But wasn’t like who who decided that? That these pregnancies pick us because they’re supposed to come to prove it like fruition? Yeah. That’s just somebody just decided that along the way, but if that were true, why do we miscarry? Right I’ve had a miscarriage to like, absolute didn’t come to be born. Is that really any different life question. Pretty powerful questions? Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, I don’t know. Well, it’s funny because I don’t don’t play on that. Yeah, I’m gonna have to take those away and process. Yeah. Yeah, it is. But that’s what I had to do. I had Do it in live time because I was the kind of person who wanted to make my decision fairly quickly. Like I, I knew what it was to be a mother and I didn’t want to carry a pregnancy that I wasn’t going to keep. So there was a lot of rush, but I had to answer all those questions really quickly. I had it but that’s how it is with anything. I mean, a car accident, a cancer, the sudden loss of a loved one a divorce, like we have to answer questions, big life questions, hard questions, hard questions, and then abortion, I think we just have to answer them at a speed that is a little bit unique. For a lot of people like it. It’s just like, it’s big decision to make very quickly. And so you have to face all those questions. And most people don’t answer them all until the procedure is over. And then they’re still asking them after. And that’s where some of the feelings afterwards come from. And like, I think when you have shame, or guilt, or certainly sadness, like that doesn’t mean anything’s gone wrong. It just means you still have more questions to answer. That’s all. Like, let’s just keep answering the questions. And I think we freak out or like, it’s, if we come back to money, like, if we have if I have an $8,000 month, and then I have a $1,000 month Not that I will but if I do, do I make that mean something? Or am I just like, okay, there’s more questions to answer here. I’m having some feelings of doubt and shame and guilt. Yes, I have to process those things that my clients are intimately Yeah, intimately familiar with. And so how do these things? How do these feelings? How do these lies? How do these questions impact your clients? Um, I’m really good with comparison. So give me a like, here’s how they impact my clients. How do they do your clients? Well, how they impact my clients is that they do a lot of Heidi they Yeah, a lot of playing small, like they do the whole invisibility cloak is Yeah, somebody had termed it a recent guest had termed it which I loved, you know, because I am a huge I, I’ve always been really good at putting on my visibility for all my life.
So those are the types of things Yeah, yeah, that my clients do. My clients do a lot of hiding. A lot of pushing away, avoiding. I like question, the language of self sabotage, but like a lot of self punishment, better, a lot of self hatred. A lot of like, it’s, it’s connected to the self punishment, but like, I’m not allowed to experience joy anymore. I’m not allowed to this or that. So like, shutting down. It’s just like a wall of shutting down. And then many people pack it away. They’re like, Oh, I’ll just pretend it never happened, put it in this little box, and it will never bother me. But we all know that that’s not really how the human experience works. And eventually that little box cracks its way open and sometimes explodes into people’s lives. So so maybe also a lie that they believe or an action that they take is I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve anything good so that they don’t receive anything good. They don’t stay open to anything good. Yeah, and even when it comes, they push it away. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of like, questioning of themselves questioning of their future. I’m struggling with further decisions. Right. It’s a gigantic does not trust themselves. Yeah, they don’t trust themselves to make more decisions. Yeah, it’s I mean, it’s just I always say like, abortion is just the thing I picked you picked money. I picked abortion. It’s all the same stuff. Literally all the songs seem conversation. Yeah, exactly. I mean, as you were listing out all of those things, I’m like, check, check, check, check. Those are all things that my clients do or struggle with? Yeah. Which is why I had that aha moment yesterday where I was like, Oh, the way I feel about money is the way that my clients feel about abortion was like, it’s the exact same thing. Oh, my goodness, what is that? what’s what’s happening? Yeah, all the same? Yeah. Yeah. And so I mean, even if you look at the title of this podcast, which is what keeps you trapped in a life smaller than you deserve? Yeah, you can put you can fill in that blank with whatever you’re struggling with. My clients struggle with money, money mindset, your clients struggle with their abortion decisions, like what other things can people fill in that blank? Yeah.
Well, it’s interesting, too, because what keeps you trapped? What was that in a life, what keeps you trapped in a life smaller than you deserve? Yeah, smaller than you deserve. And that was a huge piece of my decision making was like, Oh my gosh, if I have this baby, I’m going to live a life smaller than I deserve. And that’s really hard for people to wrap their heads around. They’re like, babies are love. Babies are everything. mothering is the most important thing in the world, like, kids don’t keep you trapped. But I’ve already had three like, I love my kids beyond beyond like beyond measure. But keeping that pregnancy would have been easier, because the whole world would have been like, oh, my goodness, your IUD fell out. That’s horrible. I can’t believe this happened to you. And then they would have loved my baby, it would have been so much easier, right? Like, oops, stinks that that happened. But I guess you have four kids, it was harder to make the decision that allowed me to be bigger in the world, like, I did not want to have another child, and then not want to go back into that baby cave. I did not want to go through another pregnancy. I didn’t not all of it. Like I didn’t want any of it. And so keeping it would have kept me smaller, because I would have been going against my desire. My wants, I didn’t want that pregnancy. and choosing not to keep it is what let me grow. Let me like get out of the cage of being a human being who happens to have a womb who, right like, my husband doesn’t carry the babies I do. Just because I have this womb doesn’t mean I have to stay trapped in, in every pregnancy that comes along.
That opened the door to freedom and growth. Yeah, and it was hard. And that’s the confusing part is like it would have been easier. In the short term, it would have been easier to keep the pregnancy because it would have been easier to explain easier to like less judgement. But in the long term, it would have been so much harder, because I would have been going against what I truly wanted. What I thought was best for my kids who were living breathing in my lap, like another sibling was not in the best interest of our family. It just wasn’t. It would have been. I mean, everything is a trap and an escape at the same time, I guess. Yeah. It just would have been different. And it wasn’t the different I wanted you going against what you want. Always feels like a trap. doesn’t mean you can’t get out of it. But it would have felt really hard. Really, really hard. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it opens up a lot of questions around, you know, you know, the desires of your heart and what you’re meant for and what you’re meant to do in the world. And, you know, that’s a really hard path. Yeah. When you’re faced with with that path, right. And so if we believe that there is a perfect plan for each and every one of us, yeah, right. Sometimes that perfect plan contains really messy, tough decisions and messages that ultimately become a message for someone else. Yeah. I was coaching a client last night, who was feeling burden, feeling a lot of like expectation placed upon her Feeling a ton of overwhelmed? feeling a lot of like, why is it all have to be my responsibility?
What, you know, can’t someone else take some of this responsibility. Um, and I wrote down all the words, and I just looked at them. And like, all I could see was this gigantic, one gigantic word, which was want. And I said, the way to move out of all these feelings is to start following what you want, like, you’re feeling burden, you’re feeling expectation, you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re feeling too much responsibility, because you’re not honoring what you want what you desire in the world, like, you are doing things for other people, you’re living into other people’s beliefs about who you should be. And when you’re not following what you want, it feels like burden, it feels like expectation, it feels like responsibility. It feels overwhelming. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of my clients have a trouble connecting really deeply with what they want. And hard. I mean, and that, I think, is the disconnect the primary disconnect between be impossible in the possible, right, that’s why things feel impossible, because you’re not connecting and accepting and allowing yourself to want Yeah, you know, one of the formulas that I’m using with all of my clients right now, that just that I’m using with myself, and that’s why it became apparent, you know, to use with my clients are three simple questions. What do I want, when I feel overwhelmed when I feel burdened? When I feel like things are just impossible? And I don’t know how, just simply asking, What do I want? I mean, I just went through this with my retreat, which I don’t know. You know, I think people are starting to realize that I am, have been very burdened by this retreat, it was definitely a vision that I felt called to, I, it was definitely a choice, but it wasn’t necessarily a choice that I felt was negotiable. I mean, it was a choice I was glad to make it was I felt called to, I love being obedient to those things, because I know that as painful as sometimes they are to go through those things, that always produces something better. And so it has been a painful process,
I have invested a ton of money, and I’m on the hook for for money that, you know, if I don’t feel this, it’s gonna be a huge loss for me. Okay, so I’m being very transparent. If you’re being honest about the struggles I’m going, I have been going through, but the other morning, I asked myself, What do I want? Yeah. And it brought me so much clarity. What I want is to bring my vision to life. Yeah, whatever that cost me in the process is, what is just the cost of doing business. It’s the cost of building my dreams. It’s the cost of, you know, living out my mission. And so the second question is, what do I want to invest? And so getting in touch with what you really wanting to invest in what you want, right? And yeah, really honest with yourself, if two hours a week, then that’s two hours a week, you use those two hours a week with gratitude and with purpose, not with regret about I wish I could offer five?
Yeah, that’s not serving you. And then the third question is, how could this be possible? How could it be possible to get what I want with what I want to invest? And that opens up all kinds of options, and that has what I’ve been living out this week, is all of the options that have become available to me by accepting all of those things, then it has been a very it’s been quite the roller coaster ride, but it’s always been also been an amazing journey to see, you know, to start to uncover who I truly am. Yeah, and I think that, like, I just think this stuff happens to us. So we can learn these lessons like it’s just abortion can be such a catalyst for growth and so can losing money. Right, exactly. But some of us take that pain that struggle personally, and we Yeah, we take it personally, we blame the world, we assume it means that we suck. We, we just don’t use it as a catalyst for growth. And that’s I feel like the work that I do is like, yeah, sucks that you had to go through that. Now what what do we want to do with it?
Let’s Let’s extract everything we can from it and you can see, four years later, I’m still extracting things from my own experience. I mean, I talk about this every day all day. And I’m I like, oh, I’ve, how could I possibly learn anything else from my abortion? It keeps coming. Yeah, and I could walk away. It’s a lifelong journey. Yeah, if you want it to be like, I could walk away and just never think about abortion. Again, never think about my abortion again. But I’m still learning things. And it’s still fun, which is like, Yeah, I just put the word abortion and fun in the same sentence. But growth is fun. It’s like sometimes it’s hard. But it’s fun. I use the language, honor your wants, like, for me, like my process with clients is like, honor your feelings, because you’re having a lot of them. Honor your decision, because most people come to me after their decision. Have your own background, your decision, and then honor your wants, like what is it you want next? And are your future? I feel like honoring your wants is like we can listen to them and ignore them. Or we can honor them and be like, I see you I hear you. I might not meet your needs. Exactly. But I honor you like, Yeah, because sometimes even you know what you want, and you go against it. A lot of people know they don’t want an abortion, and they go against it. And guess what? A lot of people know they do want abortion and they go against it. Do you think there’s not a lot of people talking about abortion, there’s even less people talking about those pregnancies they wish they hadn’t kept because now they have a human being who they love. What kind of mother says I wish I had had an abortion? Not very many. But it’s about like honoring that want even if you don’t necessarily go after it. Yes. Because all of those things are honoring yourself. Yeah. And you are supposed to be in this world you are supposed to be who you are, who you were designed to be do what you were designed to do. And when you honor yourself, you create freedom. Yeah. Totally. Such a good release to wrap up. Totally.
So the there’s two last questions, the two questions that I always asked my guests. And the first one is, what was the money like that you had? Well, the word had is relative because it’s still but a big one for me is money is complicated. It’s just so complicated. Yeah. Um, yeah, you could fill in the blank with a lot of different things. Yeah, totally my class. My clients come to me, they’re like, Well, my situation was complicated. I’m like, yeah, this is always every other situation. Right? So that when I believe it’s complicated, I give myself freedom to not understand it, like Well, of course, I don’t get it. It’s complicated. So now I have permission to like, not play the game. So yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think that hide from it. Yeah. Yeah. And then like, other people will be like, Oh, well, I get it. It’s complicated. You You walked away that makes makes sense. I get I get you. And then I feel like seen. Can you feel validated? Yeah. Yeah. So that one, continuing to remember like, No, it’s not. It’s not complicated. Actually. Um, one plus one is two. Yeah. Yeah.
So what’s your favorite thing to believe about making money with the wealthy? Yeah, just that it’s out there. It’s available. That me having it does not take it away from someone else. That’s a big one. For me. It’s like, it’s just out there and I can leave it or I can take it, but like it’s there. That is like kind of twist my brain up a little. I’m like, Oh, okay. All right. I guess I will take some. It’s just there. It’s there for me to access if I want it. Yeah, it’s like needing a hammer and and there’s a hammer right there on the store shelf. And you’re like, oh, but if I take that one, then somebody else won’t have a hammer. It? Yeah, there’s like a whole pile of hammers there. Yeah, I was there’s some visual where it’s like, I’m trying to remember what like the graphic of it is, but of like you’re born, and there’s this entire pie of money for you. And no one else can even access your money. If they want to. It’s not theirs, they have a different pile. And so that helps me remember like, my access to money is literally just me accessing my money. It’s not It’s not me accessing other people’s money. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You’re not stealing from anyone because you’re, they have their own pile by not addressing it. You’re stealing from yourself. Yeah, you’re trapping yourself in a life that’s smaller than you deserve? Yeah. Well, this is an amazing conversation. I so appreciate you and what you’re doing in the world, and I love you so much. So good, I’m so glad we, we pushed through our own overwhelm this week and made this happen. Oh, my gosh, that was so powerful. I loved that conversation, so many golden nuggets in there, I’m not even going to be able to highlight all of them. So you’ll just have to go back and listen to this episode. Again, Amanda, is such a student of life. She’s open to everything. She’s just here to try things and see what happens. She’s experienced so much freedom in her life. But that hasn’t come without a cost. You know, she’s still experiencing her own journey toward more freedom around money. Like many of my clients, if we want to experience freedom in this crazy world we live in, we have to be willing to have conversations like these and connect with each other at a human level at a level of unconditional love, acceptance and freedom from judgment.
So I want you to think about how can we love and support each other in this way more? And not only? How can we love and support others no matter what, but how can we even go forward and freedom and love and support ourselves? Because no matter what you’re talking about? We can? Can we love ourselves and support ourselves in any circumstance? Whether it’s abortion, time, money, focus, our business, how can we love and support ourselves, no matter what I love and accept myself, this is, you know, some tapping I did recently was around, loving and accepting myself, even when I fail, even with any decision I make. That is true freedom, loving and accepting ourselves, even when we fail, no matter what we do, no matter what we say, right?
Because I mean, even God’s Word tells us that nothing can separate us from him. And that is also another form of true freedom. So I would love to know what a Hawes you came away with. When you were listening to this episode, I would love you to email me at Jill@jillwrightcoaching.com/ And share with me the AHA is that you had now living in lack and restriction and judgment, we know disconnects us from the world. We know it disconnects us from ourselves from our dreams and from love. But we were made for connection. humans were not designed to live in isolation. We were designed to live in community with others and support in the love those others. When you think about the power of being in a community, I think about the relationships that I’ve developed as a result of being part of a great community. And I’ve been part of different communities that were very supportive, and I feel so blessed to have built the relationships that I’ve built in those communities.
I’ve loved being around people that want similar things are interested in multiplying others and want to be connected to powerful, capable, amazing people. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to create with my Miracle Multiplier Alliance. And I’m so excited about This, this is something that’s going to start in 2022. And I will be opening up applications very soon to get ready to enroll people and get them going. Starting January one, this will be a group of a dozen women who are just that they are capable and amazing and powerful on their own. And when they get in a group of other powerful, capable, amazing women, they are even more elevated, their strengths are multiplied. So I’m creating a community of women where as a whole collective, we are so much greater than the sum of our individual parts. I’ll be opening up applications in November. But you can email me now at Jill@jillwrightcoaching.com/ to let me know you’re interested so I can keep you in the loop. I can’t wait to tell you more about Miracle Multiplier Alliance. It’s a mastermind style group, where we up level and multiply each other as we multiply our clients, our families and our communities. I’ll see you next week.